Year In The Life
quoting from journals
NOTE: This transcription is a work in progress. Also it should be noted that as of the most recent update of this file (April 17, 2021), my understanding of the situation, including motives, intents, and context, has advanced considerably. This should be seen as a historical, archival document.
YouTube videos showing injuries:
Microwave attacks to face 25 July 2018
Microwave weapon injuries July 2018
June 2017 incidents included flu-like symptoms generated by directed energy attacks which also left a red "spray" of spots over my legs, and a severe back pain incident lasting several days.
June 27, 2017
I acquired my full records from Mercy San Juan E.R. and from Dignity Health Behavioral Health Center (St. Joseph) in Stockton, CA. They were very falsified. Because of this very problem (evidence thefts, tampering) I decided to quickly photograph key records and upload them to a server as back-up. In the course of doing this, I noticed a couple new things. One was that at one point, they were trying to keep me committed to the behavioral health center for 14 days! Another page stated that "her mother states that she will bring her to OHSU Cascadia" (or it may have said to Oregon State hospital - she brought me to Cascadia, an in-patient clinic in Portland, operated by OHSU). I was released from St Joseph's Behavioral Health after 5 days (somehow they were able to transform a maximum 72-hour hold to 5 days). Without saying a word, my mom took me directly from the Portland airport to Cascadia and tried to have me re-committed. She kept saying "I have no choice." I jumped out of the car and ran home. After that, for several days, she tried to forcibly medicate me and once she called the police or mental health falsely claiming I was becoming "violent" because I was refusing to take the medication (risperidone).
August 7, 2017
Right eye twitching, navel implant activated. Every day, new marks on my body.
August 6, 2017
Pricks all over body prevented me from sleeping - woke up and worked on stuff. Realized the geographic connection between repeated childhood dreams of falling off a cliff and the Masonic Lodge in Sunnybrae (Six Rivers Lodge #106). (I later realized the dreamscape also incorporated bits from the area around Six Rivers Lodge on Highway 36).
August 8, 2017
I got up, walked outside about 6:00 A.M. There was a hazy moon low in the western sky near where I've seen the bright drone - the moon was full. A military plane flew by, north to south, above the moon. Not the small quiet jets - a larger noisier one. And once it had passed I looked and the moon was gone. It had not gone behind clouds or sunk down - it had simply VANISHED. It must have been some kind of illusion or hologram, possibly projected through the implants in my eyes.
August 28, 2017
In April and May I was being hit so much by hand-held directed energy weapons it seems. In June and July it became increasingly apparent that drones were being used, and then (around August 1) implants were activated all over my body. Soon after this, the directed energy attacks grew more subtle, and very constant. What I was beginning to experience now was pin prick points all over my body - legs, thighs, ankles, cheek, forehead, knee, toes, fingers, hands, arms, shoulder, vulva, anus, wrist, neck, jaw. These are being used to communicate "status" of this quote/unquote "Game" that I have been forced to "play."
For example, a prick on the left lower jaw or chin means I have taken a "hit." A prick on my right chin/jaw means I have delivered a "hit." I've tried to translate this elsewhere but some of it is subtle and confusing.
One day while I was walking around Mt. Tabor, the area all around my anus/sphincter was activated and felt like I had hemorrhoids or something. It came on suddenly while I was walking and lasted about 1/2 hour. I've also experienced attacks where an arm hurts or leg/legs hurt, or where my legs are hard to move.
I seem to have implants - small implants - all over my scalp. Some seem new, like maybe a week old. About 48 hours ago I experienced a series of electric shocks - like real ZAPS - to the left & right - mostly the right - side of my head and neck. I have had twitching in both left and right eyes (mostly right) - and while I have experienced eye twitching off and on infrequently over my lifetime, within the past month I've gotten a new type of twitching - twitching spasms of the left-side (mostly) or sometimes the right side of my upper lip, sometimes lower lip. This never happened before August 2017, and it has been happening pretty frequently. Pain in left or right thighs is also frequent. Another very shocking thing that happened was when I was waiting at a crosswalk and my feet simply stepped out into traffic as a car was coming without me knowing or understanding why.
I have known two people who were killed stepping in front of cars, one in 1988 and one in 1997 or 98 and now I really wonder about that. (2021 update - I've actually known three people who died this way, and there are strong signs each and every one of these incidents was a linked murder. Their names were: Vic Ferro Jr, Sept 1986 age 20, hit on Samoa Boulevard in Sunnybrae; Bret Bowman, 6/27/1988, age 22, hit on Highway 101 Crescent City; and Morris "Morry" Hermann 10/31/1993, age 59, hit on Highway 101 near Indianola Cutoff, Freshwater). (Note: there seems a possible connection here in both cases to "cutting off" native people - Crescent City is where many of my daughter's Yurok family lives.)
I started a website called "untargetme.com" - all kinds of things have been done to prevent me from getting the website running. Par for the course is disrupting my internet access, and/or changing text as I'm writing it (sabotage). Other techniques include zapping me with powerful sleep and/or hunger beams while I'm trying to work, zapping my brain so I blank out and forget my flash drives, etc. (2021 note - I stopped working on this site after I realized that "targeted individuals" were actually disinformation agents and many if not most of them are actually the ones doing directed energy attacks - I suspect Targeted Individuals is a disinformation campaign to cover this crime and smear legitimate victims like me)
In July Chris was having drug dreams - dream after dream. He kept telling me about them. Also, I was seeing the orange caps from syringes thrown onto sidewalks around town. (2021 note: I had photographed documented the ebb and flow of syringe caps thrown around town going back to 2017. This directory of files appears to have been among those destroyed by the police and/or FBI who I believe were the ones who have been doing the forced relapse beams as part of this effort to assassinate Chris in order to steal and destroy his life's work. The FBI has been regularly and systematically altering and destroying evidence of these crimes which clearly they are deeply involved in. This is an egregious abuse, because FBI has access into so many spaces, as they are supposed to be a LAW ENFORCEMENT agency, not a crime group!) Then Chris relapsed on heroin. He pulled out of the relapse and was ok, but I suspected the dreams had been generated as I too was having clearly generated dreams, most of them involving flying objects in the sky. On August 25 Chris went to see Mark Lanegan perform at Wonder Ballroom. Lanegan had helped Chris do an album earlier in the year. About 8/23 or 8/24 I started to notice orange caps from syringes showing up on sidewalks around, like outside Fred Meyer's on N.E. Glisan, etc. This, I believed, was an indication that Chris would be drawn into a temptation to use opiates once again. I warned him. I said "I don't know how they will do it - maybe someone will ask you to find drugs for them, or maybe they will generate dreams. But they will try to get you back on heroin." As usual, he dismissed me. This was about 8/23. On 8/25 Chris woke with a headache. He went to the Lanegan show but came home early because the headache wouldn't go away. He was having "flu like symptoms" like I'd had back in June from directed energy attacks.
The next day Chris was supposed to perform at a benefit with Mark Lanegan. his headache would not go away. He was concerned and said that he was going to go to the E.R. about it He was gone about five hours. When he returned, I could tell that he had bought heroin. Eventually it became clear he had never gone to the E.R. at all. The relapse was planned and stimulated with mind control frequencies and pain.
August 29, 2017
Last night/this morning I was awoken in the middle of the night with TREMENDOUS pain pulsed into the back of my right leg. I woke up SCREAMING "Ow! Ow! Ow!" and I couldn't stop until the pain ended several seconds later. This was between 1 and 2 a.m. I think. It terrified Chris. The pain was just beneath my knee and left no discernable marks on my body. But I have marks all over my body from other attacks. New marks on my forehead and all over, and a bruise on my left knee.
September 1, 2017
Last few days various attacks. I tend to forget most. Achey thighs and legs all day yesterday and today. Mild fingertip tingles. Pin prick itches all over body now a regular occurrence. This morning my left thigh and left neck were attacked. Then my left hand went numb. For some reason, my left hand frequently goes numb in the shower.
Then I went to the store but I was exhausted and could barely walk. Like now, I can barely write. It is more than normal tiredness.
Outside tonight I walked to Q.F.C. There are dozens - likely hundreds of drones forming something like a net over me. (note: In my journals I give a lot of detail about how the drones look and behave which I'm leaving out here, as I am trying to focus on documenting effects of directed energy and implants.)
September 2, 2017
Another daily - several times a day - symptom is the gradual heating of my body. It's like a hot flash but more subtle. 2014-2015 I would have brief hot flashes at the beginning of EMF attacks; now it's more a gradual, brief, temperature rising. It's happening right now.
It is 9:09 a.m. I woke this morning with an unusual headache on the right side of my head, achy legs, and general malaise which seems connected to the devices now in my body. I went outdoors and saw my vision again has been affected with "floaters" - small dots, some target-shaped objects, along with more wormy shapes. All light colored, and then one dark speck. The dark speck appears close up while the light colored floaters seem distant, almost like moving stars.
Also this morning I woke up with a cut/slice on the tip of my ring finger on my right hand of unknown origin.
September 4, 2017 10:30 pm
Awoke this morning with new spots on right and left sides of my nose and on right eye. I got a heart-race attack this morning which I would have forgot except it happened a second time - or rather, I got a heart-area shocking sensation that made me remember my heart had also been raced. It seems like I get hit, then often I forget - like maybe I am zapped to forget after an attack. Yesterday, 9/3 I had a strong cramp in my right foot.
Today in late morning as I was looking at radio frequency detectors on a website, my left hand started going numb and my right achilles heel started vibrating like a cell phone.
I've had "normal" minor pin prick hits all day long - to thighs, legs, feet, fingers, head, chest, breast. Shocks to right breast. I've gotten almost a "tittie twister" on my left breast before.
Lots of "narcolepsy" - falling asleep all of a sudden.
September 5, 2017
Yesterday I got real sleepy all at once, lay down and dreamed about being molested and trafficked by Dave Grohl. (2018 comment: I now believe all my dreams are generated dreams.)
September 6, 2017
I am at the doctors wanting to see doctor to document skin conditions, since they provide empirical evidence of what is happening to me. I am concerned about trying to explain this knowing how I get defamed as mentally ill.
- numbness in left hand/fingers
- vibrations in right achilles tendon area
- occasional sharp pains
- aches in legs, thighs, arms
- sudden onset cognitive difficulty
- coordination problems
- memory issues, especially short-term memory
- transient tinnitus or tones in ears
- hot flashes or gradual warming overall
- single "hot spot" on body
- pokes, itches, feeling of tiniest pricks
- spasming muscles in lip, chin, eye (all have occurred within past month)
- shortness of breath
- pains in implant locations
- lip tingling
- fingertip tingling
- pains in dental work
- teeth fracturing
- knee pain since 8/1
- mobility issues
- racing heart
- sudden mood changes
- sudden sleepiness or waking
Always seem to get some left hand numbness in shower now.
note: I tried to show the nurse practitioner the marks on my skin (which seemed fairly clear to me) and explain the other symptoms and she said "I'm concerned you're seeing and feeling things that aren't there." Her medical record of that visit made it appear that I was seriously delusional and possibly dangerous. Since that visit I have been able to photograph inflammation showing outlines of implants, and show her video of me detecting frequencies with a bug detector. She now says that she believes what I've shown her is "real" but yet - even though there is no factual basis for it - I still cannot get the "delusional" diagnosis removed from my medical records.
September 8, 2017
Hand had been numb for about 4-5 days, then at doctors I gave list of symptoms that included hand-numbness, and after that it went away. But it's back slightly this morning along with a pounding headache and of course the normal nerve pricks, itches, zaps I have had ever since the implants were activated in late July. The right side of my head gets zapped a lot with painful electric shock zaps. My right leg has many involuntary small muscle twitches and movements now. Also my left lip, upper and lower - all since 8/1.
I am really concerned about the long-term effects on my health. I can tell it affects my coordination and ability to write. I hate the ugly marks all over my face and body.
September 9, 2017
Plenty of zaps to the right side of my head. Feel like small electrical shocks. Right achilles tendon vibrates a lot.
September 10, 2017
Street lamps sometimes turn on or off when I pass underneath. Everything is LEDs now. All the meters in Portland seem to be smart meters. I feel often like my brain is on electrical overdose. My phone burns hot and the battery burns out. What is that about?
Note: at the Hollywood Max stop for a period of time in December 2017 I noticed a particular street lamp go off every time a drone passed overhead. (Same the station where the stabbings had occurred spring 2017.)
September 11, 2017
This morning I have once again a series of small electric shocks regularly applied to the right side of my head - like - zap.... zap.... zap.... + the normal poking, itchy spots, etc. zap.... zap.... zap....and the apartment building is being buzzed by planes, like just now at 6:46 a.m.
September 13, 2017
Zaps yesterday afternoon to right side of head - small but noticeable - all the regular zaps to head, neck, thighs, arms, legs, crotch, butt. And today too. It becomes "normalized." Lots of planes in the sky today, buzzing apartment, leaving white trails everywhere. Yesterday while at the library left lamp on for Lion (cat). Came back, it had been turned off. Today I turned it off before I went to the store. Came back, it had been unplugged. Also yesterday, mysterious burn on my left wrist at a place difficult to photograph. Many of these marks show up in places that are hard to see or photograph.
September 14, 2017
Today, the usual pricks and series of shocks to the right side of head producing headache. Last night, 9/13, went to QFC followed by the usual drone swarm. Helicopter lands on Providence hospital landing pad.
September 21, 2017
Beginning yesterday morning (9/20), my back began to go stiff. I haven't had back issues since about June 25. At that time they were clearly caused by directed energy attacks as I could feel the strong pain beam beneath my right shoulder for a day before the spasms started. And this was all shortly after coming to understand I had been implanted with radio frequency devices and was being tracked by drones, etc.
I have been wondering if my back pain is and has been entirely, or almost entirely, a manufactured situation. The pain - tremendous, horrible, debilitating pain - is real - but is it caused by directed energy attacks as much as anything else? Is that why it seems to happen no matter what I do or don't do?
My back is hurting worse - coordination getting bad. Hard to write. Pain in right side back of neck. Right jaw. Shortness of breath. Feelings like anger, dull crappy mood. EMF attacks. "Ultimate EMF" meter shows consistently higher readings of EMF on by back as opposed to my front. Higher on right than on left. So on front it would be from about .4 - .5 gauss, but in back it is more like .6 - .7 I feel ill from frequency attacks and various twitches, itches, and pokes. But the attacks and surveillance are the worst.
September 25, 2017
On 9/22 my back kept getting worse. I took flexeril and aspirin. And it got worse and worse. I also got hot flashes, etc. The hot flashes are a sure sign of a DEW attack. Now I know... The hot flashes have been connected to pain for some years but it is because electrical attacks are involved. I woke up Friday morning 9/22 with numb, tingling last 3 fingers on left hand. Got in shower - brain zaps, right side of head.
So the shortness of breath, even feelings of anger - I knew it was DEW attacks. So I ended up in the E.R. again. They put me in Room 37 (3 + 7 = 10 = Tarot Wheel of Fortune - a hint that the attacks were generated to cause my back pain). And when I went into the room, there was a single blue latex glove on the floor. They left me in the room for some time. I dozed a bit - the pain was still there but lessened. I wondered if it was because the attack was abating.
One thing I noticed is during one attack in the past year or two, the pain nearly ended - nearly - as I reached the E.R. At that time I was baffled, wondering if it was some kind of psychosomatic response. Now I believe electrical attacks have been implicated the WHOLE TIME. I have suffered from these flare-ups of incredibly severe pain and spasms several times a year for almost 30 years.
The doctor examined and treated me as usual in these situations. Just before I left the nurse or assistant asked if my pain had lessened during my time in the room. What an interesting question! Why would she ask that? Because it did lessen some. They are letting me know they are *literally* controlling my back pain! Or if it isn't them, they know who is controlling it, and how.
September 27, 2017
Achey this morning. Dreams last night, failure dreams. Can't remember details. Red lights were involved. I do believe I am constantly under attack. I mean, I am constantly being "touched." No more door slamming. That was crazy making and went on for months, maybe a year (2014-2015).
I felt stiffness on my walk yesterday and believed it was from EMF attacks. I pulled out my phone and recorded EMFs mostly around .7 gauss but often around .9 Nothing below .5 Higher readings near the top of my thighs. There definitely seem to be periods when certain parts of my body register higher EMFs. Right now my right arm is stiff, right wrist hurts. It is very difficult to write. Plus I have cognitive issues - I couldn't recall a name earlier I should have had no problem recalling. So yes, I was definitely attacked last night and yesterday. I get lots of thigh pokes. Right shoulder very stiff.
I get "poked" all the time. There are different types of pokes. There is an itchiness. There is a tiny, hairlike poke... so hard to describe because it isn't like a physical sensation of being touched but like a neural firing of some unusual sort. There are pain pokes, inflammation, stiffness. There are pokes that feel like all the cells are somehow firing in a ring, like an anemone curling reflexively around prey. They seem to be able to manipulate my cells, nerves, muscles, often in bands or rings.
My arm and writing hand barely work and I feel fried so I'll stop for now.
September 30, 2017
I have been having problems on my right side - trip to E.R. with severe pain on 9/22. Since then, ongoing problems in right shoulder, neck (usually very difficult to write by hand) and increasingly right foot, leg ankle. This is all generated pain. I can feel it now. It has been made obvious most clearly in the foot/ankle pain. I get charley horses out of nowhere.
Woke this a.m. with a nightmare I had some kind of Nazi boyfriend with a furry sweater and I was trying to get help to escape him before he kills me and he ends up killing someone else, maybe with a broken bottle. Probably generated, but who knows.
I can barely move a pen across paper. Right wrist hurts. Right neck hurts. I'm getting zaps in right side of my head. Oh, and I woke up with a right ankle and foot both feeling sprained. It is so hard to write. Implants in gut are activated now. Right side. Right heel. I am so tired. This is torture using victims own body controlled from exterior locations.
On Thursday evening, 9/28 I came home from doing stuff around town with increasing pain in right side. The right side attack had started - I noticed then - first on 9/27 with that band tightening in my right foot. Pain attacks through 9/28 and by evening I was hurting so much I had to take meds (5 mg oxycodone and 1 mg tinzandine). I noticed orange syringe caps around town (a form of whistleblowing). This woman gave Chris $50 on 9/28. On 9/29 he relapsed. I asked him when did he decide to relapse and he said it was 9/28 - the same day I was attacked with pain attacks and had to take a pain pill. I do not believe this is a coincidence.
To be clear: I believe Chris' recent relapses were manufactured via use of implants/beam weapons. I KNOW now that my pain is manufactured.
Since heroin dealers can in some places be charged with murder when an addict dies - I think that anyone who attacks a recovering opiate addict with a relapse attack should DEFINITELY be charged with attempted murder. A dealer is providing something to someone who has already made a decision while these forced relapse attacks are focused against vulnerable people who are trying to stay clean.
To summarize: right side of my body has been under attack off and on since 9/21. E.R. visit 9/22. Some abatement, then increase. I spent 9/23 in bed, medicated. Chris returned from Seattle 9/24. I was able to get up and do stuff on 9/24 but I woke up with horrible headache. I felt I had been attacked. Now it's 9/30 so the right body attack has gone on about 8-9 days.
At 8:30 pm I went to 7/11 a drone flew directly over my head, passing low a couple times as I walked to 7/11 and several more as I walked home, looping around. It had a green light on right wing, red light on left wing, yellow/peach light on tail, and a white flashing light on wings. The plane itself is invisible against the night sky. After it passed over me it would switch the tail to a pulsing red light. It is common for these aircraft to change their light patterns after the pass over my head. Sometime helicopters pass overhead and flash their spotlights on me.
There was a homeless guy getting crazy at 7/11 and threatening the cashier. He ran out with two cans of beer.
October 2, 2017
Last night a massacre in Las Vegas, 50 people dead so far. When I looked at tweets about it, my phone got hot. This is 2 years to the day after the Umatilla College massacre in Roseburg.
Woke up with a very sore neck on right side, semi-sore left ankle, but I am not having too much trouble writing.
Update: 9:15 a.m. neck getting worse, ankle better but left foot hurts. This is being done to me.
October 5, 2017
Yesterday I got a lot of ZAPS to my right brain and pain in the old fillings on the right side of my teeth, maybe related to what I was writing about my dad's old publication in the early 1970s (Stomatopod). I think the Biology Department and the Running Clubs and the Mad River Press were funded by allowing me to be trafficked. I cannot think of any reasonable excuse for my mother to send me to Suzy Brusca's birthday party in a dress with no underwear (preschool).
October 10, 2017
Stabs in left side (pricks, really) when I open this journal.
One day I had a weird prickly feeling on my left arm. And then a mosquito bit me in almost that exact spot. Tonight another mosquito attack/bite in about the same location on the left arm.
Today I have been zapped a lot on my right head/brain. Like, I went to Fed Ex / Kinko's to make a scan of my photo of my Aunt Marge from 1971 in a blue raincoat and red gogo boots. I got zapped HARD walking into the store. I left my umbrella at the store and had to go back to get it and got zapped again.
A guy on the Max asked to borrow my phone to call his "grandpa." I let him. He took it and coughed all over it.
I have a sore left back.
I dreamt last night I joined the military. This morning was buzzed by military jets.
October 11, 2017 6:13 a.m.
Picked up this journal to write song/lyric/literary ideas and was immediately treated to a wall-thump at 6:10 a.m. and a ZAP to the right side of my head. So even though it wasn't my intent to write more "true confessions of an American torture victim," my mind immediately goes back there. The devices all over my body - any one of them could be activated at any time to cause debilitating pain. And the nature of the situation is that the "screws" are tightened gradually. I know the devices are there - I have some idea what they can do - I just don't know who is controlling them, or how far they intend to go. In fact, the threat of instant, severe torture or even death is just there so you go about living an almost-normal seeming life - because what else can you do?
As far as mind reading - there was an interesting moment yesterday riding the bus and I was thinking about these zaps to the right side of my head. I was thinking of them as "Nazi zaps" and really thinking about this when I felt a very sudden and strong sharp pain in my right heel. Then a series of zaps: right heel -> left thigh -> a tug in right eye
I first detected pain zaps in the right side of my head around 2008. It seemed to be linked to my back pain attacks, so I thought it was referred pain of some sort. Now it's different though. Now it's discernibly electrical zaps. A couple months ago I noticed tiny, slightly irritated bumps all over my scalp, mostly on the right side. I know they were probably sliver-sized implants. It really is astounding how they get these in with so little noticeable evidence left behind in terms of scars, irritation. I feel that these are connected to each other in some type of circuit.(?) Maybe that is how they zap me? Or maybe it's simpler than that. It sure would be nice to know. Part of the terror of being a nonconsensual experiment and/or torture victim is not knowing what they have planned for you. Or who "they" even are.
The devices they place in your body are like a net or a leash and spiked collar. And you wear it at all times. It does start to make you feel like a possession or an animal. And I think that is very much part of the intent.
Also yesterday, in addition to head zaps and the normal stuff (pokes/pricks, etc) and back pain on the left side, I had gut-implants activated a lot. I seem to have implants on the left and right side, in my intestines. So far they have not been used for pain, but they do get activated pretty frequently. They seem to cause gas bubbles. Maybe they are in there to monitor what I'm eating and drinking?
One of the first implants I felt was in my right gut. When it showed up, there were also "references" to suggest it in street art, in a car commercial, and in a poster advertising some kind of beer festival in town, with text something like "explore your digestive system."
It is very hard to wrap my mind around the idea that these things are witnessed silently by large swaths of the population. The best explanation I have is that it is a massive social engineering and mind-control project. Someone powerful asked himself "how far can we go in controlling citizens? Will they do x, y, z?" And they keep pushing the lever further and further. This is of course speculation, but I have a feeling there is truth in it. At what point will the average citizen say "this has gone too far"? To me it appears that the "average citizen" has almost no stopping point, as long as they are rewarded for their silence, punished for seeking justice, and told it is all a harmless joke. The general population seems terrifyingly easy to control with lies, promises, plausible deniability.
More shocks to the brain just now. It is getting worse and worse. It is 7:08 p.m. October 11, 2017.
Zaps to the head today, the main torture. Zaps to the right side of the head. They seem to be mostly between the top of my ear and brow. And right above all the "NASA" fillings in my upper right teeth. (Dr. DiGotarti, the dentist who put these fillings in said that the resin material he was using had been invented by NASA. This was probably about 1986. He was a friend of my parents, a Marine I was told, who later died by suicide.) I have the sense it is some type of circuit. It is definitely a shock. It is very painful. My mind blanks from the pain. But it is also brief. But as usual I wonder about the long-term effects.
I also got sharp pains in my left breast, side of left breast, presumably from another implant.
Then we have been buzzed by aircraft several times. A helicopter, drones, etc. But lately, if I grab my phone camera, inevitably, the camera doesn't work. Sometimes the camera won't activate at all. They play "chicken" like that - buzz me while disrupting my ability to photograph them.
October 12, 2017
So far this morning: no planes buzzing apartment, no shocks to brain. Just the ususal wall thumps and poke/pricks on thigh, ankles, heels ("normal" since August - didn't happen before August 2017).
But I decided to photograph and archive my (defamatory) records from OHSU. I had requested my complete medical record earlier this summer. I looked through my computer archives and realized I hadn't photographed archived them yet in my folder called "dc." So, these OHSU files are now missing. The pattern seems to be that medical files go missing from my apartment, stay missing for several weeks, then show up again, disheveled and out of order, in some random location. So anyway, my medical records are missing from OHSU, so I intend to request another set. My medical records are a never-ending project because there is so much deception and falsification going on, and it is done is such a sophisticated way. But it helps to have a few doctors who are at least TRYING to be as legit as possible under the circumstances.
October 13, 2017
Other things: My eyes are red in the mornings: signs of night time attacks. Sore neck for three days now. I think it is from attacks. I get zapped to sleep too. Kept falling asleep in the morning until almost noon. Lots of planes buzzing the apartment today. Slight zaps in right temple today, but only slight. They seem to be "mind reading." I think about something like my feelings about being sexually assaulted with directed energy weapons and I get a poke in the left thigh. Stuff like that.
Just got a massive zap in the right side of my head. Just now. Now a poke in the left thigh. I guess they are reading my mind. Poke in the right arm now. Nazis.
One last thing - just a few hours ago my right foot started to hurt as if I had twisted it. For no reason.
October 14, 2017
Open the journal, head shocks begin. Woke up with sore neck, sore throat. (More head shocks just now. ) Sore right foot off and on, sometimes ankle. Crown on right side of mouth uncomfortable, achey. I hate it.
Geiger counter alarm went off just after 9:00 a.m. (Set to go off after 100 CPM to 50 uSV). I didn't get to it in time to get a reading. Trying to figure it out this a.m., accidentally turned it off and on. (There is a dosimeter and software to download data for this device but it keeps getting hacked.)
The sore neck, sore throat, sore right foot are I believe 100% beam weapon created. In the shower I felt a weird sharp pain on top of right hand and left foot. No visible injuries.
Neck still hurts a lot. Right foot pain similar to back pain preceding spasms - sharp, charley horse pain in foot. I guess it shows me the same kind of pain can be produced in different parts of the body. Lots of jets, helicopters buzzing me over past three days - loud - sound like military jets but "invisible" - either out of sight or camouflaged.
When I get this German bug detector going (Aceco 6002 MK II), I expect to find implants in my crown (top left tooth), my fillings, maybe (top right teeth), right scalp, both knees, ankles, neck, top of head, navel, gut. The crown is the one I hate the most and also the gut/digestive system. I think the gut implants are used to make me feel ill.
Also side of breast, especially left side. Scalp is mostly right side. Eyes & ears also implanted.
October 15, 2017
Sick today with cold. Runny nose. Neck still very sore. Used Aceco 6002 MK II bug detector on my body. Got signals from: top of head, right hand, both knees, both thighs, left ankle, both feet, mouth/teeth, crotch, and 2-3 spots around navel. Faint signal on both sides of gut (mostly left). Front of chest near throat. Back of neck where it hurts. The signals come and go. Sometimes come in short bursts, sometimes very steady, but then not at all.
I'm not surprised but it still makes me grumpy/mad. MY NECK HURTS. They are doing this to me. It is battery.
Did a bug detection on camera in the park. Kept getting disrupted by outside radio frequency signals blasting my bug detector but the process was ultimately successful. (note: video on YouTube) Ferocious signals off my head in the end. My neck hurts now, writing in this book. In addition to the regular aches and twinges I had a very strong pull/ache in the left side of my vaginal area. I am implanted in that area. I feel like it may have been done during a pap smear (or during surgery). (Note: I had what I thought was a botched repair job after giving birth in 1995. I now have reason to believe it was a deliberate vaginal mutilation. I had it repaired at Kaiser in the early 2000's.)
I am so far beyond angry at everything that has been done to me. To my daughter. My medical treatment badly compromised. My career destroyed. My sex life destroyed. My relationship with my daughter damaged. Decades taken away from me. And they see nothing wrong with it. Telling me "don't be angry" because they don't want to feel bad about their part in it.
It is not normal to have all these radio frequencies in your body. (Light in kitchen is making a "clicking" sound.)
October 17, 2017
Mostly stayed in bed today because I am sick. Threw up last night ater writing about my increasing realizations that my severe back pain is created by beam weapons and implants. This realization has been helped by doctors, or maybe assistants leaving clues when I am forced to visit the E.R. - and the intent was to torture me and to see if I would become an opiate addict. After writing about that on the computer I suddenly threw up. This is very unusual for me, even when I'm sick. But it's happend a few times since 2013. I think it is done with weapons and maybe the implants in my gut.
Today I felt a couple very slight shocks and the normal stuff. Vibrations in right leg, twitching of left lip. Watching Vietnam war show and when narrator says Johnson won't stop fighting a war he can't win, my left thigh is poked. etc.
October 18, 2017
Slight jolts to right temple at 9:40 a.m. then while walking to the bus, lots of pulling sensation on right ear. Yesterday was some pulling on left ear. People smoke with left hand today, coughing as they walk by me. New spots on face near nose and mouth.
Nasty shocks to right side of head starting about 6:30 off and on for past half hour. Anger at that. It messes up my head and it HURTS. Shocking sensation to front tooth about 4:30 p.m. Seems to be around the front crown I have had since the early 1990s. I can't tell if it has a radio frequency device or if the metal is simply being used as part of a circuit or maybe being hit by a microwave weapon which is reflecting off the metal, causing pain.
I woke up with no neck pain, but red eyes all day, every day, indicate that weapons are being used on me at night.
Just watching T.V. tonight there is tons of sexual content, innuendos, references to porn.
I went to OHSU Richmond Family Clinic and to Providence to request medical records. Requesting medical records seems to be interpreted as a type of aggressive act. One of the techniques used to communicate this idea is to create a pricking sensation right on my anus to signify "asshole."
My neck went stiff off and on through the day. I had to take aspirin.
October 19, 2017
This a.m. about five minutes after waking, still in bed, a poking feeling on my inside left thigh, crawling sensation on outside left thigh. I get up. Shocks to right temple, painful, around 7 a.m. I HATE the head shocks. They make me feel like I've been hit in the head. And I wake up with red eyes every day.
October 20, 2017
Series of head-shocks at 9:30 a.m. made me yell out. Always on the right side of the head. Called dentist to get information about lab where most recent crown was made. It was their lab: Willamette Dental, November 2014. It is a porcelain-fused high noble metal. I told them I detected radio frequencies coming from it. She said she'd have a supervisor call me. Probably won't go well. (Note: I missed the call and didn't bother to return it as I felt it would not be productive. However, after this phone call I began to have fewer problems with this crown and I stopped geting radio frequencies from it as well).
Neck and upper back keeps stiffening up involuntarily. My neck stiffening up now seems to be used as retaliation and control, same as the right temple shocks.
October 21, 2017
Took a late nap (or was zapped to sleep) for a couple hours, woke up with aching left back. More manufactured pain. Slight temple shocks. And the normal pokes and twitches.
October 22, 2017
Head zaps. Left thigh twitching just above inside/back of knee. Big helicopter landed on Providence hospital landing pad as I was walking home. Never saw that before this year. Past three months I've seen it about four times.
I am so made about the implants, especially the ones in my GUT. How can I ever get all this out of my body? (Just now, right gut implant sudden pain.)
Implant in right gut hurts and left side of neck hurting again. Eery day I wonder how, when, and if these torture devices will be removed from my body. I am worried about the health effects of them.
Another thing worth noting: about a month ago, I bought a recycled/recyclable toothbrush from Trader Joe's. Before I could use it, it disappeared. Almost the exact time it disappeared, I was watching Techno Crime Fighters / Joint Investigation Team and Katherine Horton mentioned how "people will break into your apartment and steal your toothbrush."
October 23, 2017 7:20 p.m.
Got in a huge ugly fight with Chris over the same thing, only thing we ever fight about: this stuff. He refuses to believe even empirical evidence. Refuses to do a frequency scan of his own body, too freaked out by it.
Later began to edit video from October 16 of me doing radio frequency detection on my body at Mt. Tabor. Lots of sky activity. "Invisible" drones flying over at dusk. You can hear them, but with lights off, you can't see them. Lots of zaps to the head, legs, waist. Sore neck. Sore legs. Achey. This is from DEW attacks. I slept a lot today and so did Chris. At 3:20 the big helicopter landed at Providence hospital again, second day in a row. It's tail is almost diamond shaped. It is a loud, heavy helicopter.
October 24, 2017
Woke this morning with very stiff left neck and lots of itching in private parts. Though I don't write or speak about it much, it seems like there is more and more manipulation/attack of private intimate areas. The effort to completely debase and dehumanize as well as starve, humiliate, and torture - seems to be infinite.
I get shocked in the head every day. The implants in my gut are used in, I think, different ways, including the infliction of pain. I often feel things that in the past I would associated with hormonal changes - "mittelschmertz" type pain - hot flashes, achey legs (a PMS symptom I had always thought), but now I know it is not hormonal. It is implants and beam weapons.
Last night I went to sleep - I had achey legs, sore neck (been sore for a solid two weeks now) but last night there was nothing wrong with my private parts. But as soon as I woke up this morning my butt felt itchy and painful. I took a shower and cleaned myself - found a hair, a long hair like from my head, shoved up in there 1/2 way. I don't know how it got there. That area has hurt and itched all day. I saw some street art, too, that said something like "Hello, asshole." A brand new sticker on a sign. Street art often metaphorically references things that happen to me. I have also felt what appear to be implants activated in my vagina (left side) and clitoris. This is rape. To me, this is rape.
October 25, 2017
Neck very sore today. Lots of "stabbing" in my gut, lots of pricks and pokes all over my body, especially legs and thighs. Pain in left knee right now. Basically constant low-level torture. Did a radio frequency scan of my body, found signals (always) from right knee, all over right leg, in both sides of my back EXACTLY where back pain typically starts, all over right side of head and behind both ears.
My neck is spasming, stiff, painful. The situation is getting really extreme. I am astounded this is happening to me, that this is being PERMITTED to happen to me. I need protection. I need support from someone not connected to this crime. I need medical assistance from someone not invested in protecting the crime and criminals. I need protection. The attacks to my gut fee; increasingly like sharp shocks, similar to the attacks on my right temple.
I do not consent.
October 27, 2017
It is now 1:30 a.m. My neck hurts tremendously. It was SO BAD yesterday, especially in the morning. It is getting worse now. When I write in my journal, the pain increases. When I discuss the situation with Chris, it worsens. It is so bad now I can barely write. It gets worse when I edit my footage showing bug detector picking up implants or when I write in my evidence folder. The torture is increasing in general. It hurt SO BAD yesterday. I need someone to help stop this, identify perps, bring them to justice.
Trying to sleep and pricks all over my body keeping me awake.
October 28, 2017 11:30 a.m.
I am currently doing a bug sweep with the Aceco 6002 MKII. Getting confirmation of prior detected frequency-emitting areas in bathroom, finding new areas in bathroom. Getting brutally attacked in back of neck while writing this. Outside of the bathroom I get strong signals in my kitchen at the level of my head everywhere. Higher or lower, not so much. It's like a beam of radio frequencies at head level.
Getting lots of frequency readings on the right side of my mouth, especially in back. Getting lots of readings all around the base of my neck. Getting readings off my hips, and in the crease between my thigh and torso. Always seem to get readings at various locations on my legs - not all at once - intermittent, and at different locations. I use readings from my knees to calibrate the bug detector.
I do think the implants can be turned off/off up/down remotely. But there so far always seems to be at least one I can find.
Lots in my thighs. thighs, waist, back, neck, teeth.
The spots (swollen areas) above my eyes both fired off very rhythmic beeps, then stopped. Left nostril, too. Fewer signals off my scalp today. Today it's all about my neck. My left crown bothers me but I don't get a reading off it right now. I wonder how many of these devices are using very low frequencies. Bug detector won't pick up below 1 MHz. Pet I.D. chips are lower frequencies, ELFs are very low frequencies.
I went out to go to the market and all the star drones were twinkling not with a single star-like light but with a double light. It seems like all the drones were doing this, but it was more visible with the bright ones. Like tiny sets of eyes.
Red eyes. Neck still being attacked off and on. It's been a solid two weeks of my neck being stiffened and attacked. It is exhausting dealing with all of this pain and brain strain.
October 29, 2017
I woke up at 4 a.m. extremely il. Very red eyes. Intense intestinal distress. I knew it had been created by manipulation of abdominal implants and/or attacks on my brain. I considered going to the E.R. but decided not to. I took a long shower and began to recover in the shower. I believe that is when the attacks stopped. After I was out of the shower I began to feel better. I put on some warm clothes and I was better after an hour or so - not sure. I fell asleep. I actually have no memory after putting on my clothes. But one thing - I was SO upset knowing I'd been made sick on purpose. I was so upset by this, I felt like the would maybe lock me up again on a psych hold. Like, if I tried to get help. I felt like I need to really get my story out BEFORE the next crisis. It's too hard to express yourself in a state of crisis.
I believe that someone saw how sick and upset I was and stopped the attack, maybe even zapped my memory. Today I have had much less neck pain also. And look at my penmanship. i can write legibly. My hands don't hurt or cramp.
October 30, 2017
I am really angry about being used as a medical lab rat. To me, a big part of the offense is the message it sends to the world at large - because this offense is committed in the open - that it is ok to exploit a person like this.
This morning I woke up with a new sore spot in each ear. A small bump, slightly painful like a pimple. On the left side it is outer ear canal, in back. On right, inside tragus. Both locations impossible to see in mirror or photograph. Left side much more discernable than right. Sore, throbbing implant on left side scalp about 2-3 inches behind and 1 inch above back of left ear. Neck not an issue today.
October 31, 2017
The spot on my left ear seemed to be "activated" a few times yesterday. So I do think it is an implant. Probably a new one. My theory is that they wait until a certain point in the sleep cycle - which they monitor constantly - then zap my brain into a temporary state of unconsciousness. Chris too.
Last night before going to bed I decided to scan my teeth again. Signals come off my teeth intermittently. The right side of my mout is much more active than the left. It seems to be the white resin fillings that give off the strongest signals, but my front teeth seem to give off signals as well. The left front has a repair that was redone in the past 20 years, and there is that crown (eye tooth). Interestingly the most recent crown isn't reading a signal since I complained to Willamette Dental. But I know I've felt activation pain there in the past. Maybe it was turned off.
I was looking up information about tooth implants online and found out that supposedly there was (is?) a covert program for mind control / brain wave manipulation called "Operation Moonstruck" which involved implanting both teeth and brains. On one of the very few web pages I could find about this there were many familiar-seeming comments, several, as usual, from veterans.
In the late 1980s I was going to a family friend connected to Six Rivers Running Club, Dr. Berg. I was paying for my own visits. Dr. Berg found my teeth to be healthy. Then my mother offered to take me to see another Six Rivers Running Club connected dentist, Marine vet Dr. DiGotarti, saying she would pay for my dental work. Dr DiGotarti found many, many, many cavities in my mouth that Dr. Berg seemed to have missed. He used this white resin filling which I now see emits radio frequencies, and which can be activated to cause discomfort. It doesn't emit frequencies all the time, but I don't know if any of the implants do. I remember this material cost "a little more" than amalgam fillings, but my mom was happy to pay. I remember being a bit concerned about this new material being in my mouth (new materials have less testing time to discover potential long-term effects).
There was a Kurt Cobain fax to Courtney Love published in some biographies, reading "You pull wisdom from my teeth."
Many years later my mom told me Dr. DiGotarti had committed suicide. I believe it was in the 1990s, and I believe he used a gun. It makes me sad to think about this.
I remember Dr. DiGotarti as a highly technical man who seemed to have difficulty speaking in a way that one could easily understand. As if human connections were difficult for him.
Right side of my throat painful tonight. Looking in mirror, it is irritated and inflamed and I can see what appears to be a wire-like shape arching over my throat where it hurts. (Note: I believe there are at least two wire implants in my throat, one on each side of the "arch.")
Ist this new? I have felt "new" implants last three days in a row: anus, ear, throat. That's in addition to everywhere else.
I used the bug detector and get very high signals inside near my throat, back teeth, and on neck outside of throat.
November 2, 2017
Stomach queasy. I feel that the implants in my gut are having a number of effects. They can cause gas. I hear weird noises coming out when I record myself speaking (my throat releasing strange gassy sounds). They make me feel sick sometimes. There are implants and radio frequencies all over my body.
November 3, 2017
Spots (new) on forehead in clusters, on tip of nose, and on right hand. Coughing fit as I'm writing this. Yesterday after my YouTube was bumped repeatedly to two videos: "Naomi's Story" and "Techno Crime Fighters #24" and the Google mic kept activating - the implant in the right side of my throat was activated. Implant in left gut has been activated a lot lately, also, and seems implicated in these instant sicknesses which appear late at night and/or overnight.
I know that Project NAOMI or MK NAOMI was a bio-warfare program. And Naomi Levich died at age 49 of mucosal melanoma. I believe that Naomi Levich died at Providence Hospital which is where I was when all of this "Naomi's Story" stuff started happening in my phone (there to request medical records). I was recovering from a cold because on October 10 some sick guy coughed on my phone (I believe deliberately) but I was almost 100% recovered - and that night (Nov 2) out of nowhere I get a bad cough, swollen sore-ish throat, TONS of mucus, but especially a cough. Implant in my throat seems key in this, implant in my left gut was activated several times, too. And all the pharmaceutical companies are currently putting out "flu symptom" ads. This is typical of these "diseases" caused by beam weapons and implants. When something happens to me, pharmaceutical company commercials come out which seem to address the same symptoms I'm having. Not sure if this is gloating or whistle blowing or a bit of both. It's incredibly creepy.
(Note/aside: as I'm transcribing this journal it is now July 8, 2018, and I no longer regularly watch TV channels like the major networks NBC, etc, which feature a lot of pharmaceutical company commercials because it is too upsetting. But the channel we do have on frequently, Laff, is featuring a lot of Class Action Lawsuit commercials for Mesothelioma (lung cancer). The sad fact is that with as many implants as are in my body, there is any number of ways I can be "medically" assassinated. My feeling however, is they want to do it with some kind of cancer. I believe they see cancer as a profitable way to assassinate someone, because the treatment is so expensive. Also, they truly enjoy watching people suffer and financially rewarding medical research institutions who support and cover up their heinous acts. It sounds unbelievably horrific but I believe it is 100% real.)
Maybe biowarfare is being used as well. Yes, it is - the bed bugs that were planted in Brook's bedroom in April 2017 while she was at her cousin Stormy (Thompson) Rojas' funeral and right before finals week could be seen as a type of biowarfare - and the weird disease Chris and I caught simultaneously right after I returned from Timmy Thompson's funeral in late March 2018. The guy coughing on my phone on October 10.
Who knows what these gut implants are about.
Anyway. I got sick overnight after that "Naomi" threat - and then walking outside, my right nostril just started POURING blood - no warning, nothing.
Coughing. Sore throat all day, gut hurting from implants. Left crown bothers me. I feel wiped out from these mind control energy attacks.
Suddenly computers at library and PCC library won't download videos or at the public library either. I can't even download zip directories from Google photos. When i try, I get a left thigh or ankle jab and/or right arm jab - signifying it was done on purpose as a way to restrict my ability to work.
The "Naomi" threat may have come because I was watching Techno Crime Fighters #33.
It is 9:48 p.m. now. On NBC a commercial just came on for Prevnar 13 for "bacterial pneumicoccal pneumonia" - talks about "sudden onset" of pneumicoccal pneumonia. I've been coughing today, with a sore throat, mucus.
DEATH of Uncle Dene (added information written July 8, 2018)
I was so distressed and terrified by the "Naomi's Story" incident and all that it implied, not to mention all the family deaths, and the torture and illnesses (now involving an implants in my throat and around my lungs and lymph nodes) that I decided to go as public as I could about it. I posted a YouTube video on November 9 telling about my experience with the throat implants and the "Naomi's Story" threat/warning. (A threat or warning is really the only way I can read it, with all it implies.) (I later saw there had been significant sabotage while I was working on the video, so I edited and replaced the video with a non-sabotaged version so the version that is public now carries a later publishing date. People can and do remotely access my computer and sabotage my work.) A little later (not sure exactly when, but according to my memory it was November 17) I posted a link to this video on twitter and I specifically quoted something about MK NAOMI saying that it was a program which studied how to assassinate people with cancers such as leukemia, and with heart attacks.
On November 26, my mother brought a card to my door to sign, saying that my Uncle Dene had died. He was 64. I asked how and when he died. He had died on November 19 of a heart attack. She said that he had had leukemia (no one had told me this, so I don't know when it was) and he seemed to have recovered from the leukemia, but then he had a heart attack.
One reason I believe my Uncle was murdered was that he died, it appears, 17 days after I received the "Naomi's Story" warning and 2 days, I think, after I wrote a post on Twitter about how Project Naomi involved leukemia and heart attacks. (Chris just started coughing as I write this, and grabbed his inhaler.) I am sorry I didn't take a screenshot of this tweet, because I can't find it anymore. Did someone delete it?
Another reason I believe that Uncle Dene was murdered is that I felt a lot of rage toward him in a period of time right before his death. I had often considered reaching out to him for help in my situation, but at one point in all this he kind of told me, "I know things aren't going well for you right now" and the way he said it, I knew he would not help me. But out of everyone in my family, he is one who possibly could have helped me. He was wealthy.
I know now that the level of anger I felt, however, was out of proportion. I very much believe that that was all being induced via mind control tech, because they intended to assassinate him, and they intended to make it look like it was somehow my fault. Like I was "firestarter" or something, killing people with my thoughts. (I never saw Firestarter - the Drew Barrymore movie - this comparison is based on my memory of the film trailer.) They knew I knew they were doing remote neural monitoring - what I didn't know is they were also implanting thoughts and emotional states via brain or brain-adjacent transponders and ELFs.
November 24, 2017
Last journal ended the first week of November. I became very ill in mid-October with a bio illness which then I healed from but became manufactured illnesses. Radio frequencies emanating from my lymph glands, breasts/lungs. Lots of mucus. Nasty throat implants activated, mostly on right side, but it seems like both sides. I fially healed around mid-November but oh man - I was in SO much pain and agony.
Thanksgiving was yesterday. Just Chris and me. Brook was in California. Seems like I was gen mostly reprieve leading up to and during Thanksgiving. But I woke this a.m. with red eyes, new red spots on my chest. Got knocked into a nap as I often do now, woke up with aching legs and slightly aching back. Typical to nap and wake up with pain. Writing is slightly difficult now.
Maybe they fire at me with weapons while I sleep but I think the pain is implant-generated. The leg pain is like what I thought was hormonal pain I used to get as part of PMS.
Last night the sky was clear but empty. A few flying drones, but no stationary star-like drones. Also, very little implant activation. Tonight a different story. Tonight I went outside at 10:30 to grab something at Fred Meyers and BOOM! Lots of bright, fake stars and right in the middle of them, a new faux constellation - Orion! (FAUX-RION.)
"Orion" was located to the east across 61st when I left for Fred Meyers. When came out of Fred Meyers, there were no stars. As I got to the edge of the parking lot, I saw a single "star" on the horizon. I crossed N.E. Glisan, and as I reached the other side, "Orion" slowly appeared but fainter than it was before. The single star on the horizon was one of the bottom stars of "Orion." When I returned "Orion" was 1/2 way behind a tree on the south side of the parking lot. Then stars around the edges came out, then a drone flew past and the stars all grew brighter. (Faux-rion doesn't have all the detail and nuance of the real Orion, and also, it was a little bit smaller, and there was no Taurus. I've never seen Orion before without also seeing Taurus.)
Orion in legend is slain by Artemis who is the Greek version of the Roman Diana, Goddess of the Moon, twin of Apollo, protector of women and girls, name of Wonder Woman. Symbols include golden bough, "Diana's mirror," hunting dog, stag, moon.
November 25, 2017
Phone heating up a lot last night and today, and today getting some of that Google mic disruption too. Google mic activates for no reason, says, "listening." Also phone turns off as I turn it on. Obviously the message is to stay away from the phone - but a message from whom? And why?
December 4, 2017
I have a "new" implant in my back. It is on the lower left side. I first noticed pains/pulls there abut two weeks ago. The twinges lasted a day or so, then subsided. Then, a couple days ago, it came back. Meanwhile, watching reruns of Roseanne, I saw a couple episodes which seem to allude to implants. One was the "Gilligan's Island" (May 24, 1995) where Jackie's character is picking up radio signals with her teeth. The other episode was where the two daughters are drinking peppermint schnapps and a reference is made to all the "switchblades" in (DJ's) back. ("The Last Date," October 24, 1995) "Blades" which can be switched on and off - that is basically what these implants are. I find it very difficult to express the pain and agony these implants cause and the rage it makes me feel, knowing this harm is being done to me on purpose.
Nirvana's song "Polly": "Polly says her back hurts - She's just as bored as me." This was written just before my back problems really exploded. I think this was a way that Cobain was admitting that he believed that he too suffered from implant-generated pain (his biggest problem was in his stomach). My father's family had a timeshare at the Polynesian Hotel where Cobain worked as a janitor in the 1980s.
Medical torture uses plausible deniability. The new back implant started to fire when I was sitting down - like, if you sit or twist wrong, it is PLAUSIBLE you have pulled a muscle in your lower back. But I knew I hadn't done anything to stimulate these pains. I am beginning to understand how these implants work; how they electronically stimulate muscles and nerves to cause them to tighten or spasm involuntarily. There is a very good possibility that my back problems - dating back to that very first episode - were manufactured artificially.
The back problems almost killed me more than once. They have wrecked havoc on my life. I am so sick that the whole world silently witnessed these atrocities.
Meanwhile, they were spying on Chris, too - the years he was homeless on the streets of San Francisco, his music career destroyed, his music stolen, his ideas stolen, his wife a prostitute in every definition of the word. Look at TV shows from those years (1997-2005). It's a big party.
And me, I was really struggling too, as a single mother. For long periods of time, I went hungry. I was so hungry around 2002-04, my body began to break down. Later, I began to have panic attacks which I now believe were partly or entirely induced by directed energy weapons in order to cultivate regular use of addictive anti-anxiety medicine such as Ativan. (The Ativan story is actually its own narrative - I can now see the shape of how that whole thing was set up beginning with a problematic IUD insertion in I think 2004.)
The code for "doctor" is "duck." (Probably related to the word "quack.") There is an insurance company called "Afflack" with a duck for a mascot. In one commercial they talk about how the duck "has your back" - a triple meaning. (We are in "the back.") There are with torture implants, just as with the directed energy attacks, many subtle indication that the situation is in fact WIDELY known - at least among journalists and in the entertainment business. It is treated as a joke, as something non-serious, as something the medical industry is entitled to - just as the efforts to turn Chris into an opiate addict, or to stimulate relapses, or to opportunistically use drug-induced states to harm a person with mind control technology is treated as a joke. This is a way to dehumanize the victim, and it treats medical abuse (deliberate malpractice) as if it is a non-serious past time to which doctors are entitled.
The doctors seem to feel it is ok to use these implants as a type of cattle prod, just as directed energy weapons were used earlier this year. If they don't like what I say or do, they may decide to activate the torture features of these implants. I also believe they have deliberately caused my father's hand to shake.
December 15, 2017
(Notes from July 8, 2018) On this day, singer/songwriter Dolores O'Riordan dies suddenly at age 47. Dolores O'Riordan's biggest hit was a 1990s song called "Zombie" which I realize is inspired by two pages from journal of mine from 1988. One is a letter from Chinese American students at University of Minnesota sharing unreported facts about atrocities of the Tiananmen Square massacre (talking about their "tanks and guns"), and the other is an inner monologue of mine which I've written out, naming the two characters in my head "Rebel" and "Zombie." (Elsewhere I've written about how I know my journals have been covertly and widely shared.)
O'Riordan's death, as bad as it is for her - is also a huge concern for me. These are Satanic ritual murders made to appear like bad luck (murders, murder/suicides), accidents, random disease (cancers) or medical events. What has been emphasized to me most of all is that they occur in linked pairs. "Twins." (This is one way you know that 9/11 was in fact a Satanic event. It involved "twin" towers and it was also twinned with the Klamath Salmon Kill on the opposite coast one year later.)
Dolores O'Riordan was born in Limerick, the same part of Ireland as my targeted family line (Massey). Though this is not the only death that could be potentially twinned to me (for example, a woman named Erika Meyer was killed in a car accident in Portland a few years ago - explaining perhaps why in January 2014 I was attacked so brutally by aggressive drivers and sabotage of my vehicle) the connection is obvious, and made even more so by the fact that O'Riordan, too, suffered from chronic severe back pain flare-ups of "unknown" origin. Although her cause of death was never released, I believe it would have been a catastrophic event (like an aneurism) brought about by the use of covert medical implants.
January 1, 2018
Gone almost a month without writing. Stuff happened in December, just not as intese as the DEW attacks in March - May or the bio/DEW attacks in October-November. I am regularly hit with mind-control weaponry as evidenced mostly by red eyes in the morning or sudden sleepines, or sudden unexplained urges to eat or drink, and typical dreams. For example, on 12/30 in the morning, Chris and I both woke from remembered dreams. His was: His father had been in the basement fighting with a flesh-colored hulk-like monster. The monster shot an arrow and wounded Chris' father, but in the end his father had killed the monster with a sword. In a room above, "Jewish" men in suits were going to pay Chris' father for killing the monster and were figuring out what to pay, and the mood was celebratory. Meanwhile, I was dreaming a variation of a dream I've had at least since my early 20s if not longer... Getting onto a plane that doesn't work right. In this instance, the plane begins to take off, then lands in an enclosed space. The pilot announces we will be waiting here temporarily. I - and everyone - fasten my seatbelt. It is an over-the shoulder seatbelt, like in a car. Chris and I woke up from these two dreams simultaneously. Both dreams have the same meaning: the fight is over, you "win." Now sit tight and wait...
NOTE (July 9, 2017) I'm better at interpreting dreams now than I was back in January. It's true that these are two interlocking dreams - it's true that the meaning is "sit back and wait" - but these dreams are lies. At some point you realize, after you get told to wait, and then everything falls apart again and again - that "waiting" is deadly. The message has always been, someone else is running this game, just do what they say. But it's all a lie. Whoever is telling you to wait - that's the person you have to defeat. That's what I think now - that "waiting" - or generally doing as you're told - especially by an untrustworthy person, especially when it goes against all common sense - is deadly.
I did have a dream earlier in the night involving "The Game" and all I remember was the black and white checkerboard, maybe on a scarf, like in the Jaguar commercial - and being really angry about it.
I am trying to separate the traditional parts of this "Game" from the parts that are sheer evil, if that is possible. Of all the "players" in his, I am most troubled by the doctors/medical establishment. This is not a group which should be permitted to turn evil/dark. Their work is too important. The Nazis showed what happens when doctors are permitted to indulge in "dark arts."
Also in December I saw FAUX-RION - the fake Orion constellation - many more times - and had it "follow" me and move around the sky as the other faux constellations have done. Still no Taurus, though. And Orion was not really complete - stars missing from his sword and bow. Plus other random stars around him. Then later, like a couple of nights ago on a clear night, no Orion, but the "T" constellation was out.
Another characteristics= of these drones that mimic stars in relation to me is that when I walk along a busy street like NE Glisan or Burnside, they tend to disappear. The sky suddenly turns to black velvet and if I really search with my eyes, maybe I'll see a single star drone, just letting me know, yeah, we're still here. Then as I turn down a dark street, they pop out again, "Disney eyes" style. I call it "Disney eyes" because it's like in a Disney animated film when sets of eyes pop out of the darkness one by one (or set by set) like animals in a dark forest.
Another significant "event" or shall we say "feature" of December has been MIND READING. Or, more specifically, letting me know that my mind is being "read." My thoughts. And right now, I am getting hints that my mind is being read as I am writing.
Also, I've learned more about thought implantation.
On November 24, 2017 I had a series of memories and ruminations that went like this: First, I remembered an event from about 4th grade in which I had, for some unknown reason, taken to drawing swastikas with chalk around the concrete at Melinda's house. It's possible that the only reason I remember this is because I had been scolded and because Melinda and I talked about it later. I began to wonder where that came from. Where had I learned about swastikas and why did I get on this tear and start drawing them all over? (I think I even kind of wondered this at the time, when I was shaken out of it.) I realized also - this Nazi fascination came back to me a few years later again. BUT WHY? And why does my mother "seem" German though she is really mostly Swedish? And why did she study the German language and travel to Germany in college? And why did my aunt become a German teacher? I was wondering about all of this, and then I started washing dishes and thinking really hard about what I learned in grade school (trying to figure out when and how I learned about Nazis). In my head I went through, year by year, everything I remember learning in history and social studies. Kindergarten, 1st grade, 2nd grade, 3rd grade, etc. I thought through all the subjects we studied, and remembered projects like the 3rd grade California Mission models, studying Central and South America in 6th grade, etc. I truly can't remember when or even if we studied World War II at all in grade school. While deep in thought about all of this, it occurred to me that maybe my mind was being read. I thought this because of how intensely I was thinking, but also I was probably receiving some kind of feedback (by this point, I was getting so much feedback in the form of pricks and pokes on my body that I noticed it only at a subconscious level). But I had this strong feeling that my thoughts were being read. And I continued thinking.
The day after this, November 25, I noticed an opinion piece published in the New York Times. The article is titled "How To Get Your Mind To Read" and it was written by Daniel T. Willingham. Willingham has a Wikipedia page in which he is described as a psychologist at the University of Virginia who's research focuses on the application of findings from cognitive psychology and neuroscience to K-12 education. He earned his PhD from Harvard, and his profesional focus is on brain mechanisms supporting learning, with a specific focus on how different memories interact.
The subject of the November 25, 2017 article was the interaction of different forms of learning and knowledge with reading comprehension. He was making the argument that when grade school reading materials contain good information (like information about history, science, etc) it helps increase reading comprehension and knowledge (I have to look up the article again, but that was basically it). The article seemed to run a parallel to that thought process I'd just had the previous day: "What kinds of things did we learn in grade school, and how and when did we learn it?" And the title was striking: "Teaching your mind to read" (mind-reading). And the illustration with it was striking as well, from my perspective - the colors were white, light yellow, dark yellow, and one shade of dark grey. It was the silhouette of a girl reading a book with a picture of a train on it. In her "head" you see disjointed train parts - wheels, tracks, shapes - disjointed, floating. The colors reminded me of one of my oldest dreams - a nightmare of a house burning, and my black cat burning up in the house, and everything in the dream is either black or orange and kind of 2-dimensional.
To me it appeared that the neuroscientist author had somehow "read" my mind and used my thoughts to inspire an article on the same topic - but thinking about it further, I realized there was no way that could have happened. The turnaround would have been less than 24 hours on a published article and illustration. I do believe there was a transfer of ideas, but it came from the opposite direction. My "train" of thought, or the parts for it, had been pushed into my head from an outside source.
January 2, 2018
I was doing stuff at the computer and it was very quiet as far as cars, planes, etc. Then I got up and Chris had asked me to mail a t-shirt at the post office. I told him to give me the address. At this point I had no idea who or where he was mailing this t-shirt. I gave him a pen and paper to write it down and got my stuff together to hike to the post office. As I was getting my stuff together I heard a song in my head - "Mellow Yellow" by Donovan. I wondered in the back of my head "where did this come from" as I hadn't heard that song in a long time. I had looked at a couple of videos about a week or so ago, but not that song. So then I spontaneously started singing "E-leck-trickal banana - gonna be the very next phase - electrical banana - gonna be the very next craze - they call it MKULTRA!" I thought I was being clever because I was making a connection in my mind between the "electrical banana" and the color forms I played with as a child, and the color form banana on the Velvet Underground record, and mind control, and directed energy weapons, and the "banana peel smoking" that happened in the 1960s. (They called it mellow yellow.) I feel like color forms were used in mind reading / induced dreams.
So as I sang "They call it MKULTRA!" the wall-knocker thumped once. Then a few minutes later as I was ready to go, I picked up the address from Chris and saw that the man he was mailing a t-shirt to was named James Donovan. He was writing Donovan's address when a Donovan tune "spontaneously" popped into my head. This told me that yes, thoughts and ideas can be, and are, placed into my head in a manner that seems spontaneous.
January 4, 2018
Woke up at 4 a.m. (or the cat, Lion, woke me), fed lion, then went back to sleep. I began at some point to dream about Bob Dylan. Meanwhile, Chris had gotten up and was reading. My dream was specifically that I was dating this guy and Dylan was his dad. We were all in a house together. Eventually I woke up and Chris was sitting there reading a book. One of the first things I wondered as I was waking up is if Dylan was "placed" into my dream. As soon as I was fully awake Chris started talking to me about his book. He is reading a biography of Bob Dylan. So as he was sitting there quietly reading about Bob Dylan, I was having this dream with Dylan as a main character. So either the telepathy is direct between Chris and me, or, more likely, it was a demonstration of how my dreams are generated. It makes me think about Dylan's Talking WWIII Blues, "I'll let you be in my dream if I can be in yours."
January 8, 2018
So many memories are coming to me now from childhood and linking together in a meaningful way - much of it triggered by stories told by others who experienced mind control. The kind of mind control I have been subject to is called monarch mind control, but it was done covertly.
- I was implanted from a very young age, the evidence shows
- I experienced certain types of trauma experienced by others who say they were victims of monarch mind control
- I was traumatized in such a way so as to "trigger" me (buttons)
- I have had dreams induced - very specific dreams - since I was three years old at least
- Precise geographic locations can be discerned from these dreams - even when I can't remember having been there, etc.
- I have been subject to electronic mind manipulation, torture, traumatization, etc through use of beam weapons and implants
- I (and my daughter) have been subject to bio-attacks and other bizarre attacks eg with insects (bedbugs, gnats, roaches, lice...)
There is one, sometimes two (drone) "constellations" that look like a butterfly.
tonight while I was walking, the drones were going by with big red lights blinking on their tails. The big red antenna tower (Skyline I think) was all off kilter in its light pattern - and the drones (night patrol, flying triangles) were "pointing" to it, too. By "pointing" I mean the flying drones skim by it - whatever they want to point to. The drones "pointed" to the big antenna, and then they "pointed" to Providence Hospital, also now covered in red lights and also covered in antennas. So it is very possible, even likely, that the power & influence is coming through hospitals. (I was just made to sneeze).
January 9, 2018
I have marks all over my body from these weapons. Marks my doctor dismisses as "age spots." But they are not. They tend to show up overnight, and they are of a type or types and patterns that other targeted people havae as well. Mostly triangular pattterns, but then other dots will be added in. I also have spider veins very definitely created by the weapons and small flame-like scars on my fingers and on my eyelids.
The marks on my eyelids have changed. The scar on my left eyelid has gotten brighter and more pronounced. The scar on my right eyelid is less pronounced but still visible. About a week or so ago I noticed itching especially on my left hand.
Actually, the first thing I noticed were some spots on my right hand seemed darker. I have a sort of a heart-shaped collection of spots on my right hand. Some of the spots seemed darker. (Back of my hand.) Next, or about the same time I noticed my fingertips were irritated and cracked. My left hand in particular began to feel itchy.
The cracked fingertips have happened before. The first time was when I was in grade school - maybe 4th grade? My mom said she thought it was an allergy or reaction to daffodils.
There is a theme of my mother observing a medical condition or other phenomenon and giving a snap analysis "this means this." She is always confident in her own analysis, whether or not she has any expertise in a field.
In retrospect, sometimes these analysis may be coded; sometimes they may be designed to create a certain psychological response.
These cracked fingertips have shown up 2 or 3 times in my life. This time I don't know the source.
Nicki Minaj "Anaconda" - "I had 'em pushing daffodils... I only took a half a pill..."
True Hoyle who's grandfather was a leader at the Masonic lodge that sent me over a cliff in my dream talked about how the Arcata Women's Club pushed everyone in Arcata to plant daffodils around their homes in the 1920s. Why daffodils? Arcata was called "white city" back then.
Anyway, my fingertips were all cracked. Next my hands were covered in a rash. Simultaneously with this rash I had a histamine reaction -and all the latex gloves disappeared from my kitchen drawer. The rash - small bumps that itch & bleed - could be a latex reaction... but how/why and what is the meaning of my latex gloves disappearing? And WAS it a latex reaction? I've never had problems with latex before. So anyway, I bought a bunch of non latex gloves and my skin issues have calmed down some, but I still ahve a rash of red bumps between my left forefinger and left thumb. There is of course an implant here (between thumb and forefinger) or all over in my hands. But what is interesting - my lips also had a slight reaction - and reading about "monarch mind control" I learned that histamine reactions are part of the repertoire. The author alleged this is done with directed energy weapons. I forget the author's name - he/they have been smearked all over the internet which usually means they've spoken/written some truth. (Truth tellers are smeared.) The other thing worth noting is how after listening to "Need To Know" #7 on ELFs & mind control the big red antenna started changing patterns on its lights. Tonight is like last night - slow strobe on left side, offset slow strobe in center, and cascade/twinkle on right side. Day I listened to "Need to Know #7" It was a fast strobe on the left. Normally it's a gentle cascade with kind fo a hexagon of lights on the outside.
Feb 2, 2018
After doing some research on the Bohemian Club, Grove ceremony of sacrificing the child effigy "Dull Care" and setting it on fire, etc, last night, I went to bed. First I began to cough as a result of a directed energy attack on my lungs, then I went to sleep and dreamt. First I dreamt of Fred Cole of Dead Moon (passed away last fall), then I dreamt I was eating at an outdoor table. My former boss (a political guy) Kari Chisholm ws there and his wife. They got up and left. There were other there. They persuaded me to stay for a "second show." There was some kind of fireworks like display in the stars - dancing stars - which I commented on. Suddenly there was "scary" music and the show was "FEAR-(something)" and I felt a hair in my throat - I pulled & pulled and it was a big ball of hair covered in white goo. (hair = thoughts) I woke up. I knew it was likely a generated dream. I went back to sleep and had weird dreams all night. Cindy (Chris' sister) was in one and there was a very lengthy sequence involving the bathroom at the 39th & Belmont County Library. A place where I have wondered is it outfitted with spy cameras? I have used that bathroom several times.
Toward morning, I kept feeling my neck was sore, adjusting my pillows, but it wasn't the pillows creating the problem. It is 100% for certain related to a radio frequency transponder implant.
The right side of my neck is very sore and I can't really look to the right. It pulls now off & on like someone has fastened a string to the tendon and is yanking on it. Like when I think or do something, "they" have an issue with. When it's not being yanked it's just very stiff. I woke up and commented on my weird drams & wall-knocker knocked once for "yes."
But what is more interesting is that there have been hints that last night was created by or known to locals. A big wad of pure white cat hair on a stair step & a band poster showing a toilet.
Feb 3, 2018
Neck still painful, stiff, sore. Various pain hits all over body. Right side of back. Rash on hands much better. Skin on hands was thin, crepey-looking like an old lady. That is better now, too. Very bizarre. Hand rashes began about a month ago. I have a photo from 1/6. So here s what happened, I believe, around 1/26, 1/26.
Had rash on hands, believed to be generated with weapons & implants. Lips also chapped for no reason (no changes in routine) and I was getting bizarre bumps, dry patches, scratches on skin. The scratches, that is interesting. Could it have been a way to deliver a disease vector? yikes.) That evening the LEFT side of my back began to hurt. Was being poked on the right side all day, but then the left began to hurt, and the left side hurt BAD. I took a walk to Trader Joe's. It got worse. The whole way home I was thinking about what are the hallmarks of "Monarch programming"
- bloodline (hate that word)
- starts as a child, even baby
- involves threats, trauma, theatre, medical abuse, medical sectioning, medical
- electrical shots / directed energy attacks
- mind reading, mind control, etc
- family issues
- loss of fear/dissociation
(More musings on this, not transcribed, but the gist of it is this was what my brain was really thinking about while walking home from Trader Joe's, and it was likely a monitored thought process, and just as likely an externally guided thought process.) So I walk home from Trader Joe's & my legs buckle for a second & my back is hellfire and I get home and there is a shape of a WIRE RING about 3.5" in diameter and the middle (inside the ring) is all puffy and inflamed.
I took a photo and mailed it to Dr. Mitenbuler. Haven't heard back fom her yet.
Today I am also being attacked electronically. I mean, I knew about two hours ago when I went into the bathroom and in the dark everything was spiral and vibrating. And behind closed eyes, same. The eyelids made into a screen.
I smoked some pot, then fell asleep with that ring burning on my back - before falling asleep, I saw all kinds of images, like movies almost, against closed eyelids. It must be partly a feature of the eye implants. Some of the images seem obviously computer generated. My theory is they play on the rods & cones in your eyes to create these images in the dark and especially against eyelids.
The TV last night was going into "hypnosis" mode. Every station changes its visual graphics just slightly to create a disconcerting or hypnotic effect (depending on how they change things). I noticed first an electronic "blip" sound I think at 8:32 pm, and then it started - sparkles, glows, weird transitions, long fades. I've noticed it about 3-4 times over the past four years. It goes on for a few days at a time usually. In January 2015 it went on longest (more details on this type of covert hypnosis noted in journal, not transcribed).
6pm watching Roseanne reruns on Laff - they drink soda labeled "Shasa" - like Shasta + NASA. Shasta soda is based in Hayward near Oakland; Mt Shasta was supposedly the site of an MKULTRA mind control facility, and NASA also has historic links to mind control.
So back to the ring implant. It hurt SO bad I could easily have gone to the emergency room but since last time I was ER with an implant-generated illness they diagnosed me as "delusional" and I was concerned they might section me or something. But in retrospect, the shape of the ring was so distinct, maybe (?) they would have had to acknowledge there is a foreign object in my back. It is ironic because it is the very same hospital which tipped me off to the implants in the first place by putting me in a room with a long informercial on dental implants back in January 2017 (1/25/2017) - but I still didn't begin to "get it" until the following May or June when all the implants started to be activated in my body to create pain, etc. So anyway, Chris had methadone so I took methadone and smoked some pot and took an aspirin. Chris had rolled a joint and shared it with me. When I did that, I heard some kind of excitement in the wall-banging department and then felt I was under an electrical attack in addition to the implant inflammation. My body started to shake and shiver. My teeth chattered. I lay in bed with a cold pack on the inflammation and closed my eyes. Soon I began to see visions on the back of my eyelids. At first it was mellow - as my mood was fairly mellow as the methadone & marijuana kicked in and I was trying to relax. But then they would morph into these nightmare visions - eyeballs rising out of swamps and imagery that had a distinctly Satanic vibe. I knew immediately that these visions were not from my own mind. I kept having to open my eyes to make them dissipate. Like the nightmares I had the night before last, they were "placed" into my head to torment me - but these were like movies against my closed eyelids. Later they mellowed out.
I recall a vision of a winding road full of cars - moving traffic - and the cars then all sink simultaneously down, faded into the road, and became a flowing river. In another vision, a woman's arm was moving, then froze, grew hair, and became a strong man's arm. Then the images became abstract - kaleidoscopic - but looked distinctly computer-generated. This is a clue that these images are in fact generated by a computer and projected somehow through my eye implants.
There are many, many different ways these implants are being used to manipulate my brain and body - thoughts implanted, legs manipulated, dreams manipulated, hologram displayed, sickness created, pain created, thoughts blocked, nerves manipulated, muscles manipulated, muscles vibrated, memory manipulated, memory erased, etc. The most common use are the tiny pricks and pokes used to communicate "status" and/or warn me, give feedback - feedback which I note but often ignore, because ultimately the goal is to be informed but not controlled.
More details about the ring-implant - rashes on my hands started around 1/6, back implant activated right around end of January - next day I took flexeril, methadone, and stayed in bed all day (ate marijuana caramel) - but the end of the day the implant was no longer hurting or inflamed, just a residual soreness, and I now had a rash on my EYEBROWS. I didn't really get out of bed until the following morning. Most interesting: the area around the ring implant was now slightly numb. I had recently been wondering about back numbness I had as a child. My mom always claimed it was from a horse bite but I always believed it was from this mysterious severe rash I had on my back. It wasn't in the region of the horse bite (which was on my shoulder - and the horse had bit through a puffy coat - it broke skin but it wasn't really deep enough to do nerve damage and I don't even think it left a scar). I was about five when the horse bit me. I think I was about 4 when I had the rash, though I'm not sure. I remember my back being numb for months or years. It was numb I believe on the left side, a little higher up than where the ring was, but that was more than 40 years ago. It may have moved? There were tiny vessels like spider veins showing at the edges of the ring, and the edges were flame-like - almost as if it had been stitched in or something, though I don't think that is the case. It's really a bit of a mystery. The rashes and the numbness - especially the numbness - definitely characteristic (I mean, they match with my memories of childhood - a rash on my back, followed by months or years of a numb area).
Then there is a matching nightmare circa 1971: the "fireball" dream where the fireball transformed into a smoky ring and told me to go into my parents' bed, but I kept having the dream in their bed. So this thing on my back, it is the fireball. Red wire inflamed flame-like edges in a perfect ring, puffed up inflammation in the center. Jan 31, 2018 was a "blue blood moon."
Earlier today I fell asleep and dreamed - can't remember dreams, just the words "why don't you take it to The Hague" to the tune of "I'm only happy when it rains." (The Hague is International Criminal Court.)
February 22, 2018
I haven't written for so long for one main reason: I get retaliation for writing. A lot of physical pain, "warnings," etc. But a secondary reason is the pain itself is debilitating. Shortly after the last entry, about the time the stock market tanked, I had the WORST pulling in my neck - almost a strangulation feeling. It lasted a few days and dissipated, and then about February 13 I got neck pain again, severe enough to disable me for several days. It included also a burning pain in my shoulders which Dr. Frank once said was related to opioid use - it isn't. I have used methadone on the worst days avoiding ER because of the horrible experiences I have had at every hospital recently.
I have neck pain now. The pain seems to be wired in part to be exacerbated by certain "thoughts." This is why I thought for so many years it was stress-related. Certain things, thoughts, voices, would trigger it. Now I think it has to do with the mapping of my brain. I must keep writing or making videos because so much happens to me.
During the horrid neck pulling / pain, I felt a lump in my neck of inflamed tissue as if it were swollen around a grain of rice. Then when I got back pain later around 2/13, it actually started as back pain that time and resolved through my neck as it used to do. There was another similar lump of tissue in my back. I had Chris photograph the spot as it was red and inflamed. So I've basically been disabled for about half of February. I do think it is important to note how I was shown that thoughts are implanted in my mind, not just dreams.
During Thanksgiving week I remembered how maybe in 4th grade (~1978) when I was playing with my friend Melinda and pieces of chalk, writing on sidewalks, etc - I started spontaneously drawing swastikas all over the sidewalks. I don't know what I knew about swastikas or Nazis at the time. Her parents made me stop and my memory is primarily about speaking about the event with Melinda later. But I can remember doing it, and just feeling silly and obnoxious. So, thinking back, I started to ask myself "when and how did I first learn about World War II?" I stood and washed dishes, thinking very hard about this. Soon I was running through each year of elementary school in my mind. (Writing at first was very painful but the pain is lessening now.) (Pain in neck, shoulders - implant-generated - now I feel pain in left ankle. That is a warning pain.) So I washed dishes and thought about what did I learn in Kindergarten (I was an early reader - don't recall any history or social studies in Kindergarten) - what did I learn in 1st grade? What did I learn in 2nd, and in 3rd grade? (Pain returning to neck area now.) 3rd grad was when we studied California Natives, made model missions. 4th-6th we really got more into social studies, studied other countries, etc. I really drilled down into this in my mind and I was getting pokes on my body that made me think my mind was being "read" via remote neural monitoring. I've come to ignore this - not alter my thoughts usually just because of this.
The next morning - less than 24 hours after all this - the New York Times published an article entitled "How to Get Your Mind to Read" (NYT Sunday Review 25 November 2017) - the article was written by a Harvard-educated neurologist (Daniel T. Willingham, according to Wikipedia, is Harvard-educated and teaches at the University of Virginia). He describes in it how reading materials in elementary school should probably also be pieces which give knowledge because that helps with reading comprehension. It appeared to me that it was a rehash of the thoughts I had the day prior. Even the title alluded to mind reading "How to Get Your Mind to Read." And furthermore, the associated illustration showed a child with a dismantled train in her "mind" while reading a book about trains. The coloring of the illustration and other aspects of it recalled an early (~1971) programmed dream of mind in which my pet black cat burned up in our house.* The dream was all orange and black. The NYT illustration was all yellow and grey.
What the article described was an uncanny parallel to the "train" of thought I was experiencing while washing dishes the day before. At first I thought that the neurologist/writer had "read" my mind and based the article on the thoughts I'd had the day prior. But eventually I realized that wasn't possible - the turnaround was too fast - less than 24 hours was not enough time to compose the article and create the custom illustration based on my thoughts - it simply had to be the other way around. I realized the author had not "read" my mind - but somehow the thoughts had to have been programmed into my mind, rising to the surface when my mind was in a receptive state. The hints were not just in the article itself, but in the illustration.
Dream images from my childhood have shown up in movies, for example, from The Odessa File (1974) to Colossal (2017). End of Odessa file had the burning house image that feels like it was taken right from my childhood dream - like a 2-D burning house. In the movie, it seems this structure was linked to an electrical company or warehouse related to something electrical, as well as being linked to post-war Nazis. Colossal used many images that evoked my memories, both locations and dreams. (Colossal was a breakthrough movie for me and is worth further discussion, assuming I'm ever able to stop making the point that this frequency technology exists and in fact is not even the big secret it's being made out to be - to the point it's being evoked in all these movies. These are but two examples.)
I finally had to conclude that - unless that NYT article was an unlikely coincidence - my thought proces that day had been PROGRAMMED. My thoughts are led and blocked in a variety of ways using mind control technology. This revelation was confirmed again a few weeks ago when I was at the computer and Chris asked me to put something in the mail for him at the post office. I said "sure, just write down the address for me." So I was at the computer as he was writing the address and out of nowhere the Donovan song "Mellow Yellow" popped into my head. I even started singing it out loud. I sang the "Electrical banana... " lines and made a mental connection between the "electrical banana" and mind control technology (frequency based tech) and I sang "They call it MKULTRA!" to the tune of "Mellow Yellow." Chris then handed me the slip of paper with the address on it. (The address, which is taped in the journal, is for someone named James Donovan in San Clemente, California.)
(Another recent instance is related here of me dreaming of Bob Dylan, waking up, and as I wake up, Chris, who is already awake begins to read to me from a new book he just started reading - a biography of Bob Dylan. Similar incidents can be seen in my journals going back to the 1980s and especially in the early 1990s, but for some reason I seemed to forget these things as soon as they happened, possibly because at the time I had no reasonable explanation for the kinds of ways my dreams were interfacing with real life events. I thought that they were just premonitions of some sort, and I accepted them as somehow normal and/or unexplainable.)
I also note in this entry that my cousin Joanna - a pediatric oncologist - talked about my grandmother - MY GRANDMOTHER - having "persecutory delusions," something which I increasingly think is almost always - if not always - a completely fake diagnosis. (It apparently is the new name for "paranoia.") And I talk about how I know that my grandparents were tortured with implants in their final years. (Later I would realize that they were given what I call "fake dementia" as well, and one thing this fake dementia seems to be used for is to take decision making powers - and financial control - away from elders.)
Tonight I looked in the mirror and saw several new marks on my face, including new pinpoint blood spots on my forehead. My rashes have also been re-activated - rash on hands, spot of rash higher up on my arms, rash on lips and eyebrows. Went out to eat with my parents last weekend and my dad had similar rash on his face. No explanation for it. My rashes were re-activated the same time the pain was activated in my back and neck. I have not been using latex gloves, have tried to protect my hands. Bu8t I know this is induced by weapons. The biggest patch of rash on my left hand is centered around an area where I know there are implants and also several brown marks were already there, created by beam weapons.
5:40pm Watching "That 70's Show." Close eyes, and see a vision of a drone flying, but it is shaped like a nuclear radiation symbol. I don't believe this vision arose "spontaneously" from my own mind. I believe it is a "warning" projected via mind control tech. My Geiger counter... (10/21/1 note: I talk about Geiger counter stuff here, sabotage, etc... I now think that my Geiger counter had been remotely hacked and therefore there is no real way to know whether or not there were ever any radioactivity spikes. I interpreted the "radiation symbol" vision as being linked to radioactivity but now that time has gone by and I've seen similar visions a few different times I realize they are more likely about non-ionizing radiation - EMF type.)
*10/21/19 added note: This burning house dream was a repeated dream and worth talking about on its own. Later in 2018 while going through a 1988 journal I realized this early dream is also associated with a removed memory. In the dream, or one version of it, there was an orange crescent moon which may also have burnt in the fireplace. I had forgotten that part sometime between 1988 and 2018. The older journal helped me remember that part of the dream. In other instances, small memories like that have been returned in other ways, including in dreams and in visions.
My opinion is that because of the power of frequency-based mind control, it is important to recognize that deleted/recovered memories and thought/emotion implantation exist, even though it's clear that for some reason medicine/psychiatry are actively covering them up. Yes, there appears to be a profession-wide agreement to keep this type of technological capability secret (no doubt reenforced by frequency-based tech's other covert uses, including maiming and killing and all variety of subverting legal rights). I suspect the reason these things are covered up is because crimes are being covered up - for example, psychiatric crimes related to child abuse and the deliberate creation of certain personalities including extra-suggestible personalities, personalities with unusual relationships to shame and shaming, and criminal personalities. Or even just non-consensual human experimentation of this type which cannot be legal and which doctors / psychologists are well aware is unethical. I feel really tired of feeling pressured to cover for all of this, especially since it seems to be so widely used in innocent, unsuspecting citizens, and because it has been used to decimate my life, and the lives or people I care about. Enough with the mind control cover ups, and the fake psychological diagnoses used to pile on injury after injury. It's way past due time to turn the magnifying glass away from victims of nonconsensual human experimentation and back at the power structures that continue to support and enable covert technology being used to commit crimes.
February 23, 2018
I forgot to mention that during the recent sequence of attacks on my back and neck, I had told Chris about how they can cause heart attacks - then while lying down the area around my heart suddenly tightened and it felt like a gas bubble. My mouth is flaky, dry, rashy as is the area around the ring-shaped implant on my back although the implant itself isn't activated. Hands still rashy. Saw spider veins on my EYELID this morning. They are wrecking my appearance.
February 27, 2018
Things that happened today: 1. pieces of dental floss on the stairs outside apartment (happens a lot). 2. Light in hall turned off about a week ago - turned back on, probably Sunday night. 3. canister in coat pocket - empty pot canister - with a penny inside. 4. Small plane flies by, looks like a plane that used to "follow" and buzz me a lot in 2015 (and off and on in 2016, 2017) - flies low over me, red tail light blinking - about 5pm. I wonder about the significance of the red/blinking tail lights on aircraft. Then I think to myself later on (about 5:24 pm) that is an FBI plane. Just a hunch. As I am thinking this, either the same plane, or one like it, flies by again, this time only one light on - a blinking white light on wing facing west. Later (between 7 and 8pm) I am walking along back roads between QFC and 60th and NE Glisan and now I'm thinking about how I dreamt about a drone "dropping" something on me back in March or April 2017 - before I realized there are drones everywhere - it was a programmed dream - and I'm also thinking about the vision I had where a drone was flying by shaped like a nuclear radiation symbol - and while I was thinking about this vision, a drone flew over me - 3 lights on - nose solid, wings blinking. So that's twice today that I was thinking about specific types of aircraft and that exact type of aircraft flew over, as if conjured from my mind.
Maybe I should also note that in the month before my uncle Dene Billbe died of a heart attack I was really thinking a lot of rageful thoughts about him, thinking he had betrayed me. Really wanting to tell him, and others, off. Then he drops dead. It made me think of Drew Barrymore movie, Firestarter (I've only seen the previews but I remember the premise is this little girl starts fires with her mind). (10/21/19 note: it didn't take me long after this experience to realize that not just certain thoughts, but also intense emotional states can be created with mind control. I think my emotions were being played. This may also be a good place to note that a very telling 2012 email sent to me by my uncle has vanished from my gmail account - either it aged out or was deleted.)
My neck has been hurting for at least a week or two now. I got really grouchy about it today. This is implant torture.
What happened yesterday, 2/26 - Chris relapsed on heroin again. I was then shot in the heart with directed energy while in the laundry room. I sent Chris a series of texts about it, saying there is someone in building E, maybe ground floor, with a DEW (directed energy weapon). I've suspected this for about a year now. When I went back to the laundry room there was a tails-up penny in front of my washer and as I walked by the apartment near the front door of the laundry room, someone knocked once on the door, right as I walked by it, probably at 5:14 or 5:15.
(Discussion of various behind-eyelids visual telepathy visions seen in bathroom that day, and of two spontaneous poems written the morning before 9/11/01 which I was beginning to realize were also telepathic. I've discussed this elsewhere.)
(March 2018 - I believe there was a journal here that went missing and was not returned)
February 23, 2018
Our cat Lion was ill with (induced) hyperthyroidism age 17 - was getting better, but took a turn for the worse, trouble breathing, then remotely assaulted via drone at 4:33am on 4/3/18. I wrote an affidavit about it. She seemed like she was being remotely strangled like Darth Vader would do to people on Star Wars. I suspect her heart was stopped. Shortly before she died she crawled over to lie beneath window I think to get more air and then she ran across the floor, fell, and died with a look of terror on her face. There was a star-like drone visible beneath the moon. Then I began to remember about my childhood dreams involving cats, the moon, fire. Then I went back to my journals to get more information. That is when I noticed how much of my journals are recounting dreams. I knew I wrote dreams but had no idea I'd done it so much. And I saw things.
I had never really bothered to go back and read through most of the things before. And my lack of exposure to pop culture, especially music videos, meant I missed a lot of references, like how the imagery in the video for the song Bruise Violet (Babes In Toyland) is from a dream I had, or how my dreams "predicted" the events that would lead to the break-up with Mike Payne almost exactly (possibily exactly) one yar to the day before it happened. Also I see that Mike himself must have masterminded it. I also saw how Lion's death had been predicted in a dream 30 years ago, down to the fact that she is a gray cat with "dreadlocks" and no tail ("Manx"). (Relates to a dream from around 1988)
So after Lion was killed I went back to my journals - today I opened a journal from 1987, read a page silently, then was forced to sleep & dream - in the dream I was walking outdoors with Chris, basically in a trance, when I realize I was at the side of the apartment building (NE Flanders, area outside C1) - naked - then suddenly I have a bra and I think I need to put it on, then I se I'm already wearing a bra. Next scene is in a bus. Again I'm in a sort of trance. There is someone sitting next to me but I'm so into whatever I'm doing I don't really see him. I am holding a wallet. I ook up an realize the guy is now in the front of the buss - a homeless type guy. He has left flattened cardboard near me and I believe I am holding HIS wallet. It snaps like Chris' wallet but it is brown. I also have my wallet. I find him in front of the us and return his wallet. Now I look out the front window of the bus. We are driving down a narrow windy coast road like in Trinidad. Downhill, it may be. I think I sort of realize I am in a dram and I command the bus to fly. Why not, it's a dream.. So I command the bus to fly and instantly the bus begins to fly. Then a doubt creeps in an the bus begins to descend. I erase the doubt and the bus lifts upward and continue to fly. I see a short fat man flying in front of me. When I discribe him to Chris later I say he's like Danny DiVito in the M&M commercial.. Then I go into a third dream In this dream there is a tiny little drone flying all over inside the apartment. Like an insect, almost. I manage to catch it by throwing something on top of it. I want to photograph it (for evidence) but the camera on my phone won't work, or keeps minimizing and disappearing (basically something that actually happens and has been happening today). I cannot get the camera to work sand I have this insect-like camera drone trapped beneath something - I yell for Chris to come over so I can show it to him - he is in a heroin trance - he has (in real life) been having forced relapses.
So I finally get him to look. I lift the cloth off the drone and see that it has green butterfly wings. It is a small camera drone with green butterfly wings.
I woke from this final dream probably about an hour after falling asleep and approximately 30 seconds before Chris walked through the door.
So I went on after I woke up, reading my journal. The very next page I read involved busses. Then I came to a page where I described a scene that was basically the Wipers' Land of the Lost album cover that Chris had painted 1986-87. And I was in this scene with Seth Bunnell and Dr Hurley, and entomologist. Dream was from March 25, 1987 - 22 years before I ever actually saw the album cover.
On March 9, 1987 we (Mike Payne and I) were in Portland, and Portland made me think about music though I had no idea why. Seconds after reading that entry I fell into a semi-sleep state and I just heard the words "New Shoes" over and over (like three times) - Nu Shooz were an 80s band from Portland.
April 13 2018
Photographing old journals - Cobain timed and coded his suicide to reference certain journals and certain key events in my life including the situation with Bret Bowman. Lion's killing was coded as well to trigger my memories. I have three bins full of journal but for the most part had no idea of the contents. It's as if I just wrote and filed each away as I was done.
April 18 2018
My face has been burned for weeks now with directed energy weapons, and my hands have been burned since last January or December. They heal a bit, and get burned some more. Same with my face. By means of documenting the attacks, I have been taking "selfies" showing the damage...
Twins - Brian Doyle of University of Portland and Evan Williams of Lewis & Clark College.
I need help now. They will try to kill me. Even my mother could try to kill me. So many times in the past, I was afraid she would kill me. I need help now.
So many have already been killed. This is horrific. I can't think of another word for it. Why should we be forced to wait and watch more people die? Why am I - why are we - being forced to participate in a hellish "religion" despite FIRST AMENDMENT PROTECTION against this very thing - that places babies into the hands of witches with the power to kill?
It appears that both my grandparents were tortured via implants in their final years. My grandma in her neck, and my grandpa in his head. I have implants in both places - neck and head. I feel really bad about this. What kind of person tortures elders? I tried to tell my cousin (Joanna) about this. Joanna is an oncologist. She had nothing to say, as most people have nothing to say. But I will say - it is an atrocity.
April 20 2018
I have just received a message via image telepathy - the first image was a radioactivity or radiation symbol trefoil, which then morphed into a symbol of 4 - not really triangles, more like a pinwheel with 4 arms - then it morphed back into a radiation symbol inside a triangle pointing up - and my hands are shaky and it's hard to write. I feel very much like I am in an assassination program. And why? It can't be because of anything I've done. I truly feel it is because my existence is a threat to current order. I feel like my entire family has been marked and that is why they are dividing against each others. The burns on my face and hands have been solid for four months now - to the point my skin is growing hard and thick under the burns, and then and marked up in other places. These are radiation burns
We are good people, but that doesn't seem to matter. May even be a liability. I am in an assassination program.
April 26 2018
My face, hands, arms, have been burnt by microwave weapons for a solid four months now. I am in constant low-level pain. I have been threatened with worse. I have been shot in the heart, and so often in the brain. Usually it is my brain under attack. I need help.
Last time I was in the Emergency Room because of implant based torture causing severe back pain, I was given a prescription for oxycodone. I only used a couple tablets.. Then after being in pain from microwave burns for so long I took a (5mg) oxycodone last week - ONE. Then someone stole my bottle. It is all about control. I can barely even write right now because of this neurotech.
Also, my Geiger counter is reporting high radioactivity levels, but the software is sabotaged so I can't record it very well.
April 29 2018
I am being killed. Everyone who could have helped me has been silenced or killed. I am being killed for nothing but existing. Every excuse in the world can be made. I said the wrong words. I thought the wrong thoughts. My timing was off. But the truth is they just want to kill me. My brain is being very badly affected. The only consistent thing I can sense is the word "FBI" - if I even THINK the word "FBI" the attacks increase. I don't necessarily have plans to go to the FBI - for all I know, they are the ones doing this to me. I don't know. I just know that no one is stopping this. I know that the EMF field in my apartment is consistently at 50 microtesla or above. This is for FIVE YEARS now. I have measured it at more than twice that - but I know it's been even higher - before I had the ability to measure.
I am in deep, deep trouble because of these beam weapons. I am being killed. I need cognitive tests. I am in so much trouble. They will kill me. God please help me.
April 30 2018
I have this nasty rash (microwave burns) all over my face and neck ever since early April. So I FINALLY got a dermatology appointment. Actually the rash has been on me since late December, it just gets worse and worse, especially since April 1. So I finally go to OHSU Dermatology. First I ask if I can audio record the visit and I am told "no, it is against our policy." So I ask for the policy in writing. This is because of all the lies in my medical records. Accountability.
So I get to the OHSU South Waterfront Dermatology office and they tell me they have a policy note from "management," but they don't give it to me until after the appointment. I decide to covertly record my appointment (note - I wish I still had this recording but it seems to have vanished. I later discerned that this visit was actually covertly video recorded by the hospital or by someone enabled by the hospital, and that the video trafficked to the entertainment industry).
Back up a bit - I arrive at South Waterfront Dermatology office via bus. As I'm aboutn to cross the footbridge to the office, I see on a bench, a bottle of Curel senistive skin lotion, and a pair of running shoes turned sideways. The shoes are black with red soles (red bottoms - I was burnt on the bottom as a child).
We got eggs from Fred Meyers a couple days ago that appeared to be 1/2 cooked (every egg in the carton was "cooked" exactly the same). In my premonition about Woodsie Carlson's 1995 death the person's head cracked like an egg and shrank (saw a similar image, but with my cat, a few hours after Lion died - image of her head shrinking).
Since I was in a hurry to get to my appointment, I didn't take a photo of the staged display on the bridge until after the appointment. By that point, someone had taken the shoes.
Also, across the street from my apartment they are building a new house. There is a wooden "arch" of sorts in the construction area with the words "Garner Electric" stamped on it in blue, and beneath that, I noticed a couple evenings ago a red microwave with nails on top. Door open. Why a microwave oven just sitting outside with nails on top?
Back to the dermatology visit - on my way out, I asked for a copy of the offical policy. They gave it to me. In fact, it did NOT say what they claimed. It basicallys aid that it was up to any individual provider, and to the patient. In other words, it was a completely reasonable policy. But why would OHSU misrepresent it to me? Possibly because OHSU has been misrepresenting ME - in my own medical records - for so long.
As always, the provider discussed treating symptoms, not causes, and not coping with long term effects. No biopsy.
After leaving the office I began to walk back toward downtown Portland. I passed the bench with the egg carton and lotion (shoes now missing) and walked through a tunnel. I saw a street sign reading 1st and Grover (the word "Grover" is linked to the Bohemian Grove in Sonoma County) - then the next sign was 1st and Woods (Woods was a nickname for Woodsie Carlson - this region of Portland is called Lair Hill). Then I passed a new building called "Crossing At First" (I think) and then a parking lot between Crossing At First and The Marquam Building. In this area there was a garden edging the parking lot, specifically, an area with bushes. And first I passed a guy in a beard staring hard at a bush with his left hand in his pocket, smoking a cigarette with his right hand. Then I walked a bit farther and passed a guy with his right hand in his pocket, smoking a cigarette with his left hand, wearing a camoflauge jacket (hood up - it was raining a bit), right hand in pocket, staring at smaller bushes. Then after that, I crossed a bridge full of bolts and screws and orange syringe caps and there was a guy walking a dog with a toy dog in its mouth (a dog with a dog in its teeth). And there was a round ice cream lid and a black hair tie (scrunchie) and a bright green empty box of American Spirit cigarettes.
May 1 2018
Woke up today with an urge to write. Wow and look how well my letters are formed compared to the last several days. I could barely form a letter - now it seems to be no problem. And my face and hands weren't being burned though the EMF levels in this apartment remain high. They are always high. That is why I need to get out of here as soon as possible. Been in this situation for far too long already...
I ended up running in my mind a list of all the people close to me who died in single vehicle "accidents," and a concurrent list of all the near misses I experienced - or can remember experiencing - over my lifetime, and sad to say, this was a very long list. In fact my earliest memory is of my parents hitting dead calf in the road Fall 1969 in Minnesota. It could have all ended there or any number of times after that. One I had forgotten about was almost being hit by a train in the Arcata Bottoms in my grad school years (around 1991 I think) - but to list them all here would be tedious. (Note: I later had a dream saying that Chris' father had some kind of involvement in the early 1990s train incident - that someone was using it to show him something about how mind control tech works, operating my brain and body like I was an avatar in a video game). This appears to be a genocide that probably cannot be ended until each and every dead body is tested for RF transponders (medical implants). Until that happens, the system is complicit.
I was most shocked when I put the movie "Network" into the DVD player a couple of days ago and in part of the dialogue in an early scene the name SNOWDEN is mentioned in the same sentence as the C.I.A. - not sure of the context but I thought "that is weird. Why the name Snowden? In 19? Was it a reference to Snowden in Catch 22? Or does the name Snowden have deeper connections with Intelligence? Or all of the above? Is it possible that Edward Snowden, the whistleblower was at least part under a form of mind control?
2:40pm Walking to the stor QFC - walking home from the store I suddenly felt hot and exhausted. Knowing it was a directed energy attack I looked at my phone, saw it was 2:28pm, then looked at my text messages to Erika Schlaeger Dos Santos earlier this month before I blocked her - as it is quite possible she is involved in these attacks. A few of the messages (to Erika S) referenced a Babes In Toyland song called "Pain In My Heart" - and Erika Schlaeger's collusion with Andrew Lopas and Michael Payne. An d then when I shut off my phone what did I feel? I literal pain in my heart.
May 2 2018
Here I am at 11:49am at the coffee shop trying to decipher this (Chinese) Geiger Counter Software which never works properly and what do I notice but that the "alarm enabled" symbol looks like a syringe and/or rocket.
May 4 2018
It's 11:25am and I've checked my Geiger counter about four times this morning. Two times it was registering numbers in the hight 20s and low 30s (CPM) - just beneath alarm level. Alarm is set for 35 CFM. I feel slight effects from directed energy weapons. Was feeling crappy and measured EMFs of 70-80 - got mad. If I think or say the "wrong" thing at the wrong time they feel entitled to harm me with these weapons/radiation. Like, I will probably be harmed for writing this.
May 10 2018
My Geiger counter alarm, still set at 35 cpm, goes off several times a day. Been steadily healing since my doctor's appointment but last night after seeing a very bright drone over Providence Hospital I woke up at 4am this morning with my face, hands, arms, burnt - and now I am in pain again. Also someone turned my CD player on overnight and set it to track 13 (13 is the death card). I assume this was done remotely, though it's possible someone could have knocked us out and entered the apartment. It appears the problem may have been my choice to listen to music as I cleaned my floor yesterday - I listened to the "Singles" soundtrack . (Note - a couple years later I discerned that the movie Singles was linked to the 1991 incident where I was nearly dropped off a cliff to my death while using LSD - somehow this attack was associated with a lot of finance for many different projects).
Starchile (Idris "StarChile" O'Ferrall - Portland hip hop artist and promoter August 26, 1975 - April 26, 2018) died age 42 of brain cancer.
And Viva Las Vegas had breast cancer in her 30s I think.
May 11 2018
Yesterday, missing the fun of video editing, I looked for some public domain movies to check out and download. Saw there was a 1934 movie called Of Human Bondage with Bette Davis, young. Davis' character is this girl with whom a medical or biology student falls in love. She rejects him. He obsesses over her. It is implied that she then ends up dying some awful death of what appears to be tuberculosis. The Bette Davis character is named "Mildred" like my grandma's oldest sister. Characters named "Mildred" who die young - well that's the seond Iv'e seen in an old movie. The other was in the Bogart movie called In A Lonely Place from 1950. My aunt Mildred died 9/1/40 at age 27 at Anoka State Hospital, supposedly of tuberculosis. She went there after being manipulated by a hypnotist preacher (mind control) and was forcibly incarcerated there. She had been a flapper. I wish I could ask my grandma things. My grandma died right when it all started to go crazy, June 2014 (right after I tried to meet with Warner Brothers about Sub Pop and intellectual property issues around Chris' music). My grandma's brother Woodrow also died of tuberculosis, but much later, in a care home in the 1990s. Another similarity between the Bette Davis "Mildred" character and my aunt Mildred were the dark under her eyes - my eyes are like that too. A maternal family trait I guess. After watching the film yesterday I was burned around the eyes with a directed energy weapons.
May 16 2018
Today I am suffering from small, periodic shocks to my right temple, and pain in the left side of my back. There has also been a new attack, recently, which consists of a tiny, sharp, pinprick shock directly to my eyeball. I've gotten a few of these over the past week. I also have the sense of what I see being transmitted - whether this is a literal thing or a mind reading thing. Walking around town yesterday my back was aching a bit in the morning but noticably increased as I passed the Courtyard old folks home across from my old place on 1624 SE Sherman St. Of course I knew all along there were surveillance devices - well not all along but from the money I saw this Stephen Malkmus video called Wig Out At Jag bags and put 2+2 together as far as Claudia from The Vogue (Seattle club) (Claudia said her mother was in this old folks home, her balcony directly across from our back windows)
I had Chinese food at the Canton Cafe then went to PCC, then walked home, and as soon as I got home the "new" Rosanne came on TV featuring leftover Chinese food in an omlette and the character Roseanne is both in pain and addicted to pain pill, some of which have been stolen from their house, just as my last prescription was stolen by whoever enters doing home invasion while we're sleeping. As I'm watching Roseanne my back hurts worse an worse until I have to take muscle relaxers and an aspirin and finally methadone that Chris has because I don't want to go to the hospital. Back hurts now and can't write good because of mind control tech. Back hurts due to NONCONSENSUAL IMPLANTS and the blatant entitlement and criminality of whomever is behind them. All of this is closely tied to the entertainment industry for some reason. And te thing in my left gut I'm almost sure is connected to Michael Payne. I continue to be angry about my human rights and constitutional rights being violated.
May 16 2018
My back hurts too much to write dreams in full but one had to do with a "pot luck" and my Sattle family (including grandparents) and a job and me drinking a rootbeer float and there is sushi. I've discerned that the "new Roseanne" characters of Dan and Roseanne are based on my dad's parents, the Meyers. Roseanne is like my Grandma Helen and Dan is a bit like my dad. Darlene has always been a little like Michele DiCostanzo Crone.
I want to say that despite heavy debilitating back pain several times a year since 1991 it's something I'be almost never written about in my journals. You just want to get through each episode and live like it never happened and will never happen again. But now that I know it is a controlled event orchestrated by outside agents, I feel entirely different. Now I understand it as the equivalent to being physically assaulted...
So I visit the hospital, or I try to self-medicate and suffer. I believe that each hospital gets a piece of the pie.
Another thing is I've had slight, transient headaches yesterday and today. Why can't someone save me? Just give me my human rights before it's too late and they give me terminal cancer.
May 17, 2018
Electromagnetic fields measures in 50s around my waist, high 40s elsewhere around my body - 50s around head, top of head. Back implants going but not heavy pain at the moment.
May 18, 2018
Back still painful. Face almost clear, neck still spotty when I got in shower at 11am. Now at 1pm my face has small spots all over.
Lots of tiny but perceptible electric shocks to right side (mostly) of head throughout the day. In shower I was thinking about mind control and slavery. Closed eyes saw image ⊢ (turnstile, right tack, sideways T) - which is really a clever depiction of slavery. One group is upwardly mobile (represented by the vertical bar) and the other is restricted. I have a lot of thoughts but I'll suffer if I write them down. Suffice to say, free will and excuses for slavery need to be considered. It is a real danger. There are always looking to divide and conquer humanity. Some of us will be considered less than free - less than human - even like avatars. If everyone allows their belief systems to be led and manipulated by those in power and holding keys to tech, politics, corporate, etc.
May 20, 2018
5/18/2018 was one year since Chris Cornell passed away. 5/18 I had a very bizarre encounter with Trudy ("Sis") Not going to get into it at the moment. (It was a performance that involved police). Today my neck hurts mostly. Last night I had a lot of dreams including a dream in which I smoked a joint wrapped in a palm leaf which then began to release white worms... It is also worth noting that Hollywood was somehow surrounding this dream - that could have been because of the movie LaLaLand playing on TV while I slept. Or not. Who knows.
There is a lot to say. My right foot is very painful, suggesting that I shouldn't continue. And (I should not) write about the nail polish, or the bloody swoosh (a foot injury), or any of the other million things going on. So, ok. Let the white worms run away in the grass. That's what I did with them in the dream after they emerged.
The problem with all this is not knowing who is behind this, or their intent. Anyway, I'm getting more help so I can be patient for now.
May 20, 2018
I have resisted writing although a lot of interesting things happen, and dreams. because writing at times seems to create problems. It seems quite certain that remote neural monitoring works really well when a person is writing (note: there are also implants in my hands and fingers). Why am I writing now? Because since I saw the doctor, my skin has mostly been permitted to heal, slowly, and yesterday I looked almost presentable, though my right hand and pinky were exhibiting some new injury, and there is a mysterious bruise of unknown origin on my though that refuses to heal - "bruise violet" - after several days I finally photographed it. I photographed my face today as well for the first time in quite some time.
The very bright drones remain in the night sky - one in the northwest and one in the southeast. I photographed them Monday night (night before last). Ther are lots of other drones up there of course, but most are not bright enough to photograph.