Tag Archives: Everett True

Symbolic subtext in Kurt Cobain’s suicide note

from Live Through This. Virgin Publishing Ltd, London. 2001.

…Oh, and of course Kurt left a great narcissistic suicide note behaind, one that would ensure he’d be remembered for a fair few years yet. That Neil Young line he quoted in his scribbled handwriting – ‘It’s better to burn out than to fade away’ – what a great way to take that final stage bow! He did us proud with that one, and also with the use of a shotgun to literally put a hole through his head. Say what you like about Kurt, but he certainly had a sense of occasion. (p 64-65.)

gun – camera
hole – hole (buried sun)
head – leader of an organization

Kurt did a couple other things, too. He died in the GREEN house. He wrote his suicide note in RED pen, then it appears that he BURNED a HOLE through the note with a lit cigarette (?), and STABBED the pen through the hole, leaving the note pinned to the DIRT of a potted PLANT.
Continue reading Symbolic subtext in Kurt Cobain’s suicide note

“We know that Mary lied”

[UPDATE June 16, 2014: When I wrote this article more than six months ago, I felt pretty betrayed by the writer who calls himself Everett True. I am still not very happy with him, though he has done some nice things for me in the past. My main problem with him is that he repeatedly lied to me, and engaged in psychologically destructive acts like gaslighting. So unless something significant changes about his approach to non-fiction writing, I do not think he should be considered a trustworthy source.]

Why are so many people motivated to lie? Fame, attention, money? All it takes is one good lie, blown up big and repeated often, to destroy the truth, especially if the truth-teller’s character has already been smeared and defamed.

Did Mary Lou Lord lie?

from Hole’s 2009 song, SAMANTHA (Nobody’s Daughter)

So you think that you could save him
And we know that someone died
Oh, an unkindness of ravens
And we know that Mary lied
And through villages of ether
Oh, my crucifixion comes
Will you sing my hallelujah?
Will you tell me when it’s done?

In Everett True’s 2006 book NIRVANA: The True Story he reports the Mary Lou Lord “relationship” as if it is factual, claiming that she has “almost been written out of the Kurt Cobain story” as if writing her out of the Kurt Cobain story would be some kind of travesty – and – knowing what I know now? That is some funny shit.

Mary Lou Lord has a very detailed account of her supposed time with Cobain, and yes, I definitely think she has lied and exaggerated, and that Everett True certainly knows it. But here’s what Everett True does when he wants you to believe a story that is false. He lets you in on what Kurt Cobain told him “in private.”

Courtney long ago invented a scurrilous story about how Kurt was once disturbed in the middle of receiving oral sex from a Boston girl in the back of a van – and how this was the only time they met. Yet I have a strong memory from around this time of meeting a besotted Kurt going on and on about this girl called Mary Lou Lord, how in love with her he was, and how he was going to move to Boston to be with her.

Fantasy perhaps, but he believed it at the time. – Everett True, Nirvana: The True Story p 299

Fantasy, yes. Everett True’s fantasy.

The story sounds like a tall tale, Mary Lou Lord’s descriptions of personalities seems off. It’s a soap opera plot, with soap opera characters. It doesn’t ring true.

Also, there’s this note faxed to the Boston Phoenix in August 1993.


Of course Ms Lord insists Kurt had lied to Courtney, and that Courtney “forced” him to lie in that fax. etc, etc. Uh, no. Mary Lou is simply not a reliable source, and Everett True knows it. In fact, he pretty much gives himself away on page 302 directly after Mary Lou Lord’s overly detailed yarn. Everett True loves to gloat in front of Courtney Love when he thinks he’s kicked her ass.

I love rock n’ roll, me.

…You think that part of me didn’t enjoy this strange new power I had in the wake of Nirvana’s success? You’re crazy. I relished it, reveled in it, rolled around in the dirt with it, and got good and mucky…. I was Everett True. I was untouchable. Hate me or love me.. that didn’t matter. At least someone was paying attention. – Everett True, Nirvana: The True Story p 302

Besides the obvious narcissism, this is a big “In your face!” to Courtney. “I love rock n’ roll” is the first clue. Those are his fighting words. To Everett True, rock ‘n’ roll is a game and a war. And True can be a dirty fighter. That’s what he means when he talks about rolling in the dirt and getting good and mucky. (He couldn’t say “muddy” – that would be too obvious.)

I like how he worked the word “untouchable” in, too. Ha ha.

Oh yeah – but why is this important at all?

Here’s why:

“Courtney Love is the best fuck” could have been just for Courtney – why not? But Everett True wants you to think it is for Mary Lou Lord. Was it for Mary Lou Lord?

I do sense the edges of a triangle, but not with Mary Lou Lord.

I believe the invisible third party is the primary subject of the song Skinny Little Bitch, but I don’t believe it’s Mary Lou Lord. And I think the LET IT BLEED tattoo is related to him as well. That’s the whole reason she made this video. To show the tattoo, and to remind someone about Kurt’s “best fuck” comment. And… maybe even to get my attention. Because it did get my attention, how much it looked like my video for Bad Pam.

Good one, right?

In conclusion, I believe that Mary Lou Lord lied about having a relationship with Kurt Cobain. And that Everett True has knowingly encouraged and supported this lie. I believe that Everett True misled us in order to stop an uncomfortable line of questioning as to whom the “best fuck” quote was directed. Why else would Everett True devote so much energy toward propping up this particular lie?

If what I say is true – why, you (should) ask, wouldn’t Courtney Love “out” the real third party and demolish this Mary Lou Lord tale completely?

That is the million-dollar question, isn’t it.

 one million dollars

DICKNAIL – Hole in Melody Maker June 1991

The following article was published in Melody Maker in June 1991. HOLE had released DICKNAIL – a 7″ single on Sub Pop. The B-side was Burn Black. (Update: “Burn Black” is related to the phrase in a Beatles’ song “4,000 holes in Blackburn, Lancashire.” They are both very angry songs. Once seems to be about rape, the other about betrayal.

Burn Black’s images of a person (and a set of keys) floating “over my dead body” seems to pair up with the Mudhoney song Final Course from Vanishing Point (2013). At the end of Final Course, the singer describes how, at the end of a huge banquet, he’s choking the life out of a woman (“shrew”) and then someone comes up from behind and bangs him on the head with a frying pan. Next he’s floating above his (presumably dead) body, as everyone around him tries to figure out how to dispose of his body so as to avoid having a trial. The implication is that they eat him.

Hole’s single, Dicknail / Burn Black was released March 1, 1991. It was Hole’s first, last, and only Sub Pop release. Babes in Toyland had a similar track record at Sub Pop. One single in 1990, nothing more.

I’m gonna go out on a limb here, big time. My opinion only. In Burn Black, the “dead moon” is Chris Newman, and the “drunken seed” is Kurt Cobain.

Why? Dead Moon = black hole (inverse of sun) and also of course Dead Moon is a Portland band who played a lot with Napalm Beach. Drunken Seed = read the lyrics to Mudhoney’s Sweet Young Thing Ain’t Sweet No More which, for a million reasons, I believe is about Kurt Cobain.

Spoiler alert: Sweet Young Thing Ain’t Sweet No More is not a nice song.


Hey daddy….
come over here, yeah.
Got something for you.
She liked it.
You know she liked it.
Well, she was asking for it.
I said, I said,”Stop.”
I did what you said.
I did what you want.
I was a good girl.
I was a good girl.
I said, I said,”No.”
Hey daddy – one thing’s for certain, baby.
You have my guarantee; you won’t forget me.
I said, I said,”Stop.
I did what you said.
I did what you want.
I was a good girl.
I was a good girl.”
I said, I said,”NO”
Do you remember Christmas morning?
You know it’s real because
Well, here comes Santa Claus.
Well she liked it; you know she liked it…..
I’m on your fat claw.

Now you complain and say you want the keys
Over my dead body, baby, that’s where they’ll be
Forget the knots around your neck
You say you remember, baby, you forget

Hey hey, this much is true
I never trusted you
Hey hey, this much is true
Now I’d burn black for you

And I try just to forget
Never, I won’t – Never, I won’t
Never, ever, never

Saying things that you can’t hear
My dumb mouth to your deaf ear
Gushing lump, a violent smear
My dumb mouth to your deaf ear

Hey hey, this much is true
I never twisted you
Hey hey, this much is true
Baby, I’d burn black for you

No, I won’t go down to it
Never, I won’t – Never, I won’t
Never, I won’t Never

Crawl right up the wall
Up the stairs and down your hall

Now you beg and you want me
Over my dead body, baby, that’s where I’ll be
And you laugh at my disease
While sugar runs from my arteries

Hey hey, this much is true
I never bothered you
Hey hey, this much is true
Baby, I’d burn black for you

And I try just to forget
Never, I won’t – Never, I won’t
Never, I won’t

Starts out like magic, some sick religion
That ain’t no vulture, that’s a fucking pigeon
She’s got vultures in her hair
And blood and feathers, they are everywhere
You want retreat, filthy and deep
A dead moon, a drunken seed
Baby, there is a room full of death and whores and truth
And I am waiting in that room
And I am sorry I did that for you
It’s all whores, it’s all pain
It’s all disease, man, it’s all the same
My little Judas, my little twin
Where you start, that’s where I begin
She said, “I want it NOW!”